I Can’t Let You Go 27

::TWENTY SEVEN::

I didn’t move when I woke up with her on the couch, still curled up with each other in the same positions we were in when we fell asleep. Her weight shifts in tiny movements as she works her way out from under my arm, stilling when I move a little, before continuing and sliding onto the floor beside the couch. She thinks I’m still asleep. If I were to open my eyes now, she’d be looking to see if I had moved, her body crouched on the floor before she gets up and pads quietly to the bathroom.

It’s finally Tuesday morning, and I’m going away with her today, to spend a week with her and her alone. I could hardly sleep last night just thinking about it. From the light outside I’d say it’s around six, maybe a little earlier. If Jeanette’s awake now, I’m guessing she couldn’t sleep either, she likes to sleep.

I close my eyes and stay still as she pads quietly out of the bathroom and across the living room to the couch. I wait until she’s almost completely curled up against me, her body moving slowly trying not to wake me up. She’s still for a moment, resting against my arm, before I flip her onto her back, making her squeal in surprise.

“I thought you were still asleep.” She covers her mouth with her hand trying to stifle her giggles. I pull the blanket over us both again, settling my weight between her thighs.

Her hair spills out over the cushions of the couch, like silk, she brushed it before coming back. I love playing with her hair and my weight settles a little heavier against her as I run my hands through it. “Too excited to sleep, ‘Nette.”

Her weight shifts under me, as we both make adjustments, our bodies coming to rest against each other perfectly. She’s so sexy, her soft smile mirrored tenfold in her eyes, smiling to the depth of her soul. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look happier. My thumb traces over the upturned corner of her mouth, my eyes not leaving hers, taking up where we left off last night. “Are you happy, ‘Nette?”

Her laugh is a little deeper, her eyes closing as her head rests into the cushion behind her. The only way I could describe it is bliss. Blissfully happy. The slow sweep of her dark lashes as she opens her eyes to watch me again. “I had a wonderful dream.” I wanted to ask her to share, but I had the incredible feeling, my belly full of butterflies, that I knew already. My thumb presses against her lip to stop her before she continues, moving it only when my own lips press on hers. In my heart I knew she heard me last night. Maybe she only dreamt she heard me, but I think she heard me, and it made her this happy. If she dreamt of anything else I couldn’t bear to know it now.

Our bodies press together, our need for each other evident. The kiss is hard and insistent, our tongues pulling at each other as our moan deepened. “‘Nette, we should get off this couch.” My hand is already tugging at her pajama bottoms, torn between pulling them off and grabbing her rear.

“Make love to me right here, Sean.” Her panted breath fans out across my jawline, as we froze for the space of a heartbeat. Just when I think it isn’t possible for her to get any sexier, she has to talk to me in that deep breathless sexy voice, her dark eyes lit with that intense inner light of desire.

I pull at her pajama bottoms, her legs straightening uncomfortably under me while we both kicked and fought to get them off without either of us having to separate. She pulls her tee shirt off before yanking at mine, throwing it off the couch, followed by my own sweats.

I lift my hips off her a little, to keep from slamming into her without another thought. Kissing her neck as I fight against myself, fighting to be gentle with her, to make sure I please her, not just myself. Her hips fidget before she pulls her naked thigh as close to her chest as she can, fully exposed. Looking down at the tiny space left between our bodies, the beautiful pink flower of her, glistening wet, my head just an inch away, all I would have to do is lower just a bit. Her small hands cup my jaw, pulling me away from the mesmerizing sight of her, legs spread and waiting for me. “Now Sean, I need you now.”

Aside from the words themselves there is no pleading in her voice, just this incredibly sexy, lustful demand. I don’t like to think of just fucking her, I would gladly spend every waking moment making love to her, but there is something so wild and free in her right now. So primal and joy driven. The tip of her tongue flicks out quickly, tracing the arc of the inside of the bottom lip, before her teeth pull it in to bite it, my favorite nervous habit. If she had any idea what it does to me every time she does it, she’d do it slower, just to push me over the edge. Maybe the fact that she doesn’t realize she’s doing it just makes it sexier.

Her eyelashes flutter as she looks down, her smile faltering as she gets shy again, perhaps thinking her playfulness has gone too far. I lean down and kiss her hard before her smile disappears. She hasn’t shocked me, more like a pleasant surprise. My head, twitching, settles for a moment against her slick entrance, seeking it’s own way. I tuck the inside of my elbow against her thigh, pressing it even closer to her chest, exposing her further and pinning her beneath me. My other hand fisted in her hair, pulling it just enough to make her look up at me.

“Look at me, beautiful Jeanette.” Her eyes widen in shock, when I slam hard into her. A gasped intake of breath, as her back arches and she exposes her throat to me.

“…oh…fuck…Sean…”

Her voice is a plaintive whimper of need, her eyes narrowed as she watches me. Penetrating deep, so deep in this position, the small huff of her breath when my arm pushes her thigh a little lower. “I need you so much, Jeanette. I love you so much, all I want is you, forever.” My voice strains, and we both moan at withdrawal, the wet heat of her pulling at me, her muscles clenching against me as though willing me to stay buried within her.

“…please….” I’m lost in the sound of her, her eyelashes fluttering closed, her neck arching, begging me to make love to her. She already knows I love her, begging me, with her whole body begging me, to give her more, to fuck her hard. I had never thought of that as an act of love before, that wild abandon, that she would trust me so fully to let go. I had never felt like that before, ever, this was the first, not just with Jeanette, but ever.

That animal scream as I sunk deep, neither one of us capable of speech anymore. I fought to keep my eyes open, to watch her as I slammed back into her, watching for any sign of hurt or pain. She struggled to move within the small space left to her when I pinned her, her small thrusts rising to meet me always, never pulling away.

Oh god, she feels so good, so hot and wet. My hand grabs her rear, pulling us even closer if that’s even possible. I can’t watch anymore, my eyes jammed shut and my teeth bared, my face buried in her neck. Stifling my own cries, as she screams that wild sound, that animal sound that pushes me to madness.

Her body slicks with sweat only making our rhythm that much more graceful as we race towards the inevitable end. I’ve never felt her flutter this deep before, resting deep within her, no longer driving hard, just pressing my hips into hers, not wanting to be separated from her even to withdraw. Her thigh muscles jump against my arm as her body surrenders completely. No longer screaming, she inhales in short gasps, holding her breath, making me worried enough to look up at her.

She’s so beautiful, her neck arched almost painfully, the long arc of her exposed throat flushed pink. Her eyelashes flicker open, her dark eyes glazed with lust beneath them. The first shuddering exhale when her inner muscles clench down hard on me. A short plaintive cry growing sharper as her body trembles, wracked with the beginnings of an orgasm so intense I can only envy her. She lifts her head a little to watch me, and I see my whole life in her eyes.

Losing myself in those deep pools of blackest brown, I beg her to give me what I need, “…ahh fuck Jeanette, come with me…” As if she was waiting for me to say just that, the scream is torn from her. Nails dig into my back as her hips drive harder into mine. My name is a scream on her lips as my hips buck uncontrolled into her, coming hard, unable to hold back any longer.

Her arms circle my neck pulling me closer to her, muffling her short sob against my shoulder. I have to grab her arm to loosen her grip so that I can pull back, terrified that I’ve hurt her and made her cry. “Jeanette? …please?……” Sometimes she cries afterwards but it would kill me if I hurt her. A tear wells up under her thick lashes and spills down her cheek, running over my thumb before I can brush it away. She’s smiling, a smile so big it’s confusing.

“..I love you…” My thumb, still wet with that one tear, traces over the line of her huge smile, as if needing to convince myself it’s real, that I haven’t hurt her. “I love you so much, Sean.” Her tears are already over, a quick burst, the pleasure she felt so intense all she could do was cry. She touches my face, her thumb running under along my cheek, to catch a tear of her own, before touching my lip. Letting me taste a tear I had no idea I’d shed. The emotion so intense, so sudden and fleeting for us both, like a thunderstorm that blew up out of nowhere. “I love you Sean.”

“I’ll love you forever, Jeanette.” I shift my arm out of the way, so she can lower her thigh, letting out a small moan of protest at her cramped muscles. Both hands free to cup her face.

Her fingertips brush against my lashes, across my temple, to rest against my ear, cupping my face as I held hers. “Forever, Sean.”

Those little words echo over and over in my head as I hold her. There is no one else for me, not ever, not anymore. This is a love so deep I don’t have any of the right words to tell her, I couldn’t even begin. I kiss her still damp lashes gently, cupping her face, our foreheads resting together as we caught our breath and our bodies cooled.

Letting out a deep sigh I lift my weight off her. “I don’t want to move, Jeanette.” That soft deep laugh again, a sound more like a purr than anything else, as she tilts her head up to return my gentle kiss. “We have to though, don’t we.”

“It would be hard to go away with you for a week if we stayed here. That and you’d never get to see me in that lovely little bikini you bought me again.”

One last deep searing kiss before we get up off the couch, picking our scattered clothes up off the floor. “I’ll make coffee, if I have a shower with you we’ll never get out of there, ‘Nette.” She doesn’t need to say anything, that one raised eyebrow, the corner of her mouth kicking up in a smirk. ‘Like that’s a bad thing’, I can almost hear her say it, and it makes me laugh.

She sings in the shower, her voice so quiet at first I can barely hear it, the song almost unrecognizable under the sound of the water. Something old, her voice deeper, slower, letting it echo in the small space. “Stormy Weather”. Closing my eyes, I lean against the kitchen counter after making the coffee, and just listen to her, the sound of her making me want her in a way that has nothing to do with anything physical, an ache. If, no, when, she moves in, I’ll get to listen to her sing all the time.

I won’t have time to have a shower, it’s almost seven thirty, so I go get dressed, making sure her engagement ring is in my pocket. Keeping this secret for another week is going to kill me, especially if we have any more mornings like this one. When everything in me just wants to ask her, hell, beg her if I have to, to marry me. I wonder if she heard me in her sleep last night? Is she thinking that too, and waiting for me to ask her?

“You okay, ‘Nette?” I pass her a cup of coffee, after she makes herself comfortable in the space between my knees, out back on the porch. She’s nervous, tucking her hair behind her ear. I can feel her heart race, just sitting this close to her. “Are you nervous?” I pull her closer, wrapping my arms around her to whisper in her ear.

“I’ve….gee, this feels dumb, but I’ve never been on a plane before.” She breaks into a self depreciating laugh. She had mentioned having never flown.

“I thought you might be nervous about being alone with me for a week.” I’m holding her tight, my lips against her ear, and still she managed to turn to look at me. Her dark eyes clear and bright, with no sign of doubt or fear.

“I love that you want me to be with you, and no, I’m not nervous. I trust you with my life, Sean. With my life.”

I don’t have any words for the sincerity in her eyes, as she turns again, resting her back against me. “Will you hold my hand when we take off?” Her voice is barely a whisper, her fingers pulling at the hem of her shirt again. I stop stroking her arm, and take her hand instead, our fingers interlacing.

“I’d never let anything happen to you, Jeanette.” My heart hurts just saying it. I had made that promise once before, to Stacy, that I would never let anything hurt her. Her hand squeezes, before her thumb traces patterns across mine, soothing without needing to be told what hurt. She knows already.

The knock on the front door is followed by the unmistakable sound of young Sandro’s voice, yelling, as he run’s through the house to the back door. Jeanette kisses my hand, her lips brushing against my ring first, making my heart flutter like the first time she did it. Turning to smile at me before kissing my throat. “This hand is yours again, after Sandro gets through with it.”

Alvarez caught that and smiles at me, knowing I intend to ask for her hand later in the week as well, this time for real. Sandro is hopping from one foot to the other, a bundle of seven year old excitement, at getting to see Jeanette again. I kiss her ear before getting up to help Alvarez put our things in the car. Turning in time to watch an excited Sandro, unsure of who to follow. Jeanette reaches out and takes his hand, and he sits beside her, instantly calm and quiet again, watching her. Standing in the doorway Alvarez and I watch them for a moment. Sandro’s skinny boy body next to Jeanette, holding her hand and talking quietly. I almost never see Sandro quiet.

“She has that effect on you too, Vetter.” We throw the bags in the trunk, standing out front by the car. “You look good.” He’s looking at me, a serious expression on his face. “I would have thought you would have been a basket case by now.” The leer is back, as we walk through the house, passing the rumpled blanket on the couch. “Ahhhhh….Adriana and I, we can’t do that out on the couch any more Vetter, not with the kids around. Enjoy it while you can.”

I shoot him a ‘look’, not even wanting to answer. Who knows what he’d do with an answer. He looks at me again, grinning, as we get to the back porch, making me blush. Shaking my head laughing at him under my breath, I lean down to tell her it’s time to go. Sandro hasn’t let go of her hand yet and doesn’t look like he’s going to anytime soon. “Afterwards, you’re all mine.” A deep whisper against the skin of her ear, before I help her up. Her eyes flash black at me, that spark of heat, like this morning. I give Sandro a stern look when I’m standing, towering over him. He giggles up at me, still holding Jeanette’s hand. Not exactly the effect I was going for. “Are you going to steal my girl, Sandro?”

“No, Uncle Sean….” His answer dissolves into giggles again, as he hides his face against Jeanette’s side. Smart kid.

I lean over so I can look him in the eye. “Are you going to take her out to the car and take care of her until we have to go to the airport?” Both Jeanette and Sandro are grinning at me now, as I stand up again. The warmth in her smile melts my heart, as I lock the back door, letting Sandro walk Jeanette out to the car and sit in the back seat with her. Still holding her hand.

He didn’t let go of her, not once, as we sat in Alvarez’s kitchen and had waffles. He made his the exact same as hers, the tiniest bit of syrup, and nothing else. I’ve seen him eat them before, a bowl would be better. It’s sweet to watch. His chair pulled up close to hers. She didn’t ignore him either, the way a lot of adults might have done with a seven year old that clung to them like that. She smiled a silent apology at Alvarez and Adriana, and then spent the next half hour or so intent on Sandro as he talked to her non-stop.

I expected a bigger scene when we had to leave, I think his parents did too, when we were at the car. Jeanette, who still hadn’t let go of his hand, cupped his face, as she’s done so many times with me, and kissed him on the cheek. I had hardly enough time to get used to him being quiet and now he’s silent, and blushing, even as she lets go of his hand and gets into the car beside me.

“You’re wonderful, ‘Nette.” I kissed her hard when Sandro was out of view, my hand seeking hers of it’s own volition, our fingers interlacing. Her hand is still warm, from her holding the boy’s hand. “If he was a little older, I would be very jealous right now.”

Her laugh is deep and soft, her lips just brushing against mine as she says it. “If he was a little older, I’d say you’d have reason to be.”

Eyes narrowed, she looks up at me past the sweep of her dark lashes. I could get lost in her when she looks at me like that. “You make me crazy when you look at me like that, Jeanette.” My heart races as I lean in to kiss her, gently this time. I trace the curve of her throat with a fingertip, feeling her pulse race madly. We both sigh as Alvarez gets into the front seat.

“You kids! Don’t make me come back there, Vetter!” Jeanette lets out a snort of laughter, her smile wide again. I kiss her hair again as she sits back, giving Alvarez the eye in the rearview mirror. Jeanette ignores his leer but her hand squeezes mine, her head turned back to me quickly to flash a tiny grin of her own.

Jeanette gets a little nervous when we go through security at the military base and drive up to the airstrip. Not all of it is due to never having flown before, her husband was stationed here. I really should have booked a civilian flight but it’s too late to worry about it now. Her nervousness doesn’t show at all on her face, she still has that tiny grin, her knuckles are white as her hand grips mine, her lifeline. Tracing my thumb back over her wrist I can feel her pulse race. I pull her so close she’s nearly sitting in my lap, leaning down to whisper in her ear. “You’re still okay with this, ‘Nette?” She nods, kissing my hand again, too nervous to speak as the car stops.

She stands under the wings looking up at them while Alvarez and I take the bags out of the trunk. “You carrying that rock with you, Vetter?” Alvarez grins up at me, carrying my bag. A goofy grin is about all the answer I can muster, the engagement ring pressing into my thigh.

I take another look over at Jeanette to make sure she’s all right, watching her fingers pulling at the hem of her shirt. She smiles at me, and tries to stop doing it, when she notices me watching her. “I’ll call you when we get to Seattle, Alvarez, so you can keep me up on how this other mess is doing.” I don’t like the thought of leaving, but, watching Jeanette again, I like the thought of staying even less. I want this, more importantly, I need this.

“I’m going to set Torres up with Holloway a little later. This whole mess is almost over now anyway, all that’s left is which way Douglas will go, and you don’t need to be here for that. I’m staying under the radar for this whole thing.” The hug is quick, but genuine, before we walk back to Jeanette.

He hugs Jeanette, kissing her on the cheek before letting her go. “Don’t kick my ass, Vetter.” The crew doesn’t care much for goodbyes, and if we don’t get on board, they’re not going to care if they leave us here either.

I asked her if she wanted to sit by the window, not surprised when she shakes her head no. Her body is still and tense, her breath shallow. Her hands are in a knot, too tense for her nervous habits. Ignoring the arm of the seat poking me in the side I pull her close to me, resting her head on my shoulder, my hand stroking her hair. “It’s a short flight, it shouldn’t be more than an hour. Just go to sleep for a little bit, beautiful. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

She looks up at me for a moment, her eyes still wide with what’s left of her fear. A fear that fades as I continue to stroke her hair. A fear that fades as she puts her absolute trust in me that I’ll let nothing happen to her, that I’ll take care of her. I have doubted myself, every single day I have doubted myself, since Stacy died, because I should have protected her and didn’t. Jeanette trusts me nonetheless, her head resting back against my shoulder. She tenses slightly, her breath in shallow short pants, when we lift off the ground. She never let go of me for the whole flight. It could have been hours in flight, I wouldn’t have cared.

She looked up only once, when I asked her if she wanted to look out the window as we flew along the coast just outside of Seattle. I don’t think she breathed at all as she did it, her hand holding mine tightly with the sea on the left side, sheets of rain hitting the window. She trembled, shutting her eyes again and burying her face against my shoulder, a tiny muffled thank you.

She never really relaxed until we landed, her smile so wide as she stood on solid ground again I doubt she could speak. She never let go of me once, as though holding onto me was the only thing that got her through.

It’s raining hard when we land, the sky so dark already that it feels like evening. It hasn’t dampened her spirits any, in fact it’s just the opposite, her face tilting up to the rain as we make a quick run to the rental car already waiting for us. I’ve never met anyone that liked the rain before. “You like this stuff, ‘Nette?”

She’s nearly skipping, her grin contagious, as I throw the bags in the back and open her door for her. I don’t wait for her to answer, that smile said it all, but ran around the front of the car to get in beside her, nearly soaked to the skin already. I’ve barely got the door closed when she’s kneeling on her seat, leaning over to kiss me hard, her happiness turning to passion in a heartbeat. “Thank you for bringing me, you have no idea how happy I am. I’ll never forget this, Sean.”

I kiss her again, reaching out to cup her breast through her soaked shirt, her nipple hard under the cold fabric. “I have a bit of an idea how happy you are.” And I’ll never forget any of this, there’s no way I ever could. She sits back down slowly, blushing at how excited she is. I tuck her wet hair behind her ear when I lean in to kiss her gently, before we drive to the motel. She smiles the entire way, giving directions, but mostly just lost, looking out the window through streaks of heavy rain. She’s like a little kid at Christmas, excited and trying hard not to be.

She slicks her hair back, squeezing the rest of the rainwater out of it when we get to the motel. I make her laugh when I run my hand over my shaved head, flicking water at her. Another dash through the rain, the curves of her body more visible through her soaked clothes as she runs a step ahead of me, so we can check in.

I stand behind her at the check in desk that runs nearly the length of the office, my chest pressing into her back, warming her up a little. I can’t keep my hands off her, but I try, as an elderly man comes out from the back, after hearing the bells on the door as it shut. I tell him I have a reservation for Vetter as he slides the registration form across the desk. I fill it out as he finds keys, my arms still wrapped around Jeanette, my lips against the skin of her ear.

Handing the keys across the counter, he’s already turning. “Enjoy your stay, Mr…” He hesitates for a moment, looking at Jeanette, before finishing. “…and Mrs. Vetter.”

Her body tenses quickly, not for sake I think, but for mine, as she turns quickly to catch my expression. I kiss her quickly, no desire, no need, to explain this time. I hand her the keys as we step out onto the covered porch that runs down the length of the motel. “Here, I’ll park the car, you’re soaked enough already, ‘Nette.” I kiss her quickly before she has any time to protest, running back through the rain to the car.

She stands beside the rail on the porch, tucking her hair behind her ear before walking across to number seven. I’m out of the car and catch her before she opens the door. I had to jump the porch rail to do it which caught her off guard. It caught me off guard for that matter. I kiss her hard, taking the key from her hand. “Wait, ‘Nette. I have to do this right. Mr and Mrs. Vetter, remember?”

She squeals when I pick her up easily, opening the door to the motel room and carrying her across the threshold. Maybe some part of me was kidding when I did it, but I don’t really think so. When I set her down again, closing the door behind us, I can’t imagine that I was ever kidding.

Holding her upturned face cupped in my hands, her eyes tell me clearly that she isn’t kidding either.

next…