Drive 12

Place hasn’t fucking changed at all. I don’t know what I was expecting but I wasn’t exactly expecting that everything would look the fucking same as it did the first time. I got the cold sweats and let go of the wheel, wiping my hands on my legs. All the shit I seen and this fucking place scares the shit out of me. How’s that for fucked up?

Everybody’s awake and nobody’s saying shit, like they know something’s gonna happen. It is, just a matter of where and when and how fucking bad it’ll end up.

I’m stopped at the light even though it’s like four in the fucking morning and there’s no one around. Always a fucking cop hiding behind a billboard in these little towns and the last thing I need is some hick cop. The last time didn’t go so good as I remember.

I’ll never forget that, not as long as I fucking live. Seen a lot of shit, seen a lot a guys get beat down but there was nothing like that ever. To stand back and watch as that fuck beat Matty and not be able to do a damned thing.

This time it would be the woman and the kid and I don’t think that’d be any easier to take, even if I hardly know them.

So I’m idling here waiting for the light to change and watching out for anything off. New York stands out here so it don’t take too long. A couple’a blocks over and I spot it outside an all night diner. A black sedan that no guy in the country’d be caught dead in parked outside. Three guys in suits sitting by the window. I’m moving and can’t get a decent look and there’s no way I’m stopping.

A couple a years ago I wouldn’t'a thought twice about it, about pulling in beside that black car and dealing with shit. I slow down just enough to make sure they seen me and then I’m driving past, hoping like fuck that I’m doing the right thing.

It don’t take long.

A couple more streets and the sedan’s behind me. Lights off. Stupid. What, like I’m not gonna see them or some shit? I just hope there’s no cops around cus there’s no way this is gonna look right and we’ll all end up getting pinched. Who knows what the fuck would happen then.

We’re heading back out to the edge of town and I’m looking to pick a spot. The one thing I got going for me is that I been here before. Got the feel of the place in me and I’m turning down one street and then the next almost like I don’t got to think about it. Then I’m there and my fucking skin goes cold when I see it. I fucking swear I didn’t plan it.

If they never seen the place before, it’s a barn. Dark, no lights except the ones from the street. I pull in, taking a wide circle and pointing the nose of the van up to the street so I can get back out again if I have to without fucking around, backing up. Those fucks pull in front of me, blocking the way out.

In the quiet I can hear Rita in the back, breathing fast. Kid’s scared too, nearly in his mother’s lap and holding her tight even if he doesn’t know what the fuck is going on. Bad is bad and nobody has to say what it is. Most people would have the good fucking sense to get out of the way when the bad shit happens but here I am, right in the fucking middle of it like I never been anywhere else.

“Stay in the van. Stay quiet.” I’m talking without turning around cus I know that if I look at her, if I look at that scared kid, that I might not be able to keep it cold enough to do what I got to do.

“What if y-”

“Don’t, lady. Just fucking don’t.” I got no time to answer anything she’s got to say. I need her to listen and that’s that. “Just do as you’re told.”

I’m not about to say it’ll all be okay or some shit cus there’s no way I believe that so I’m not gonna convince anybody. She’s quiet.

Standard equipment. 9mm strapped under the seat. I leave the keys in the ignition when I get out, tucking that nine in place at the small of my back. It don’t make me feel any better. What, one gun against the three guys are in that sedan? No fucking way. Still, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it. It’s all I’ve got and they know I got it anyway, they put it under the seat in the first place in case I needed it.

I still got the door open, standing behind it as the guys get out of the car. Two guys. There’s another guy in the back seat but he’s not getting out.

The two guys are Arms and Arm’s guy from the warehouse. I suppose I should be flattered, Teddy pulling out heavy hitters like these two fucks to come out after me. Fuck me, Arms probably asked for it for all I know.

There’s no light, nothing but the fucking stars to see who’s still in the back seat but from the tightening in my gut, I know who it is and I’m not surprised.

Teddy. No surprise that he’d want to come out here personally and see this shit done. He’s staying in the car and I won’t see him until the other two guys got me down. Teddy likes to get his hands dirty, don’t get me wrong, but not that dirty. When it comes times to finish me off, he’s who’s gonna do it.

In a way that gives me an edge cus it means those other two fucks aren’t gonna kill me right off. Not until they got what they want and not until Teddy gives them the nod.

I play it like there’s nothing wrong, like this is a standard meet. I got Arms in front of me, just on the left, and the other fuck’s moving along the side of the car, to the right. I don’t gotta turn to know where he is; I can hear him good enough. Gravel driveway helps. Still, I don’t like him getting any closer to the van but there’s fuck all I can do about it now.

“We supposed to take the broad and the kid with us, Taylor.”

Arms is brushing some shit off his suit from leaning against the side of the car. All those fucks are like women when it comes to their clothes. Fucking hate getting dirt on them. I’m watching his hands as he comes across the driveway towards me and listening for his guy off to the right.

That and waiting for that fucking car door to open.

Nothing new, waiting for everything to happen at once and knowing there’s fuck all I can do about it until it starts to happen. It’ll just happen.

“So you said. How you want to do this?” I guess that could mean anything but I don’t really give a fuck how Arms takes it. I’m still listening to Arm’s guy as he walks by some bushes towards the van. Hoping like fuck that Rita don’t do nothing stupid.

Arms smiles at me like a fucking shark cus he knows how he wants to do this. Whether he gets to is another fucking thing. They probably spent the whole flight out here laughing about it, about what the fuck was gonna happen.

There’s a scuffle back by the van and I got to fight to keep perfectly still like all this shit is normal. I’m calculating odds, knowing that they won’t hurt the kid. After spending all this time listening to Rita for so long I got my doubts about her. Can’t think about that right now cus I know it’ll show and that Arms’ll pick up on that and probably make a point of hurting her.

Off to the right, Arm’s guy’s got the van door open and is dragging Rita and the kid out but she’s not making it any easier on him than she did on me. It makes my gut knot up cus I know I wouldn’t hit her but there’s no telling what these fucks will do. Still, it keeps his hands full and I don’t got to worry about him so much yet.

“Gino’ll take the van out. You get in the car with us.”

Arms is standing back out of the way like I’m gonna just walk past him and get into the back seat of the car. Things go the way they always go and Arm’s guy will take the van out and torch it. Then they’ll stop somewhere along the road where my body isn’t going to show up anytime soon and do me. Maybe Rita too, I don’t know.

I do know that Arms is expecting it and that all of this is playing out the way it’s always played out. They all done this shit so many times. Hell, I done this same fucking thing. It gets to be a fucking habit, a routine, like that fucking speech I’m always giving out.

So I don’t say fuck all and when I pass alongside Arms, I don’t even bother going for my gun. I don’t have the time and if I reach for it, Arms is gonna blow my fucking brains out all over the gravel and I won’t be no good to nobody.

The air goes outta him as I hit him low, spinning and throwing him against the back a the car. His face is all red and he’s spluttering and swearing and shit. Trying to reach for his gun but his jacket keeps getting in the way. There’s yelling on the other side of the car where the fuck’s got Rita and the kid but I can’t listen to it right now.

Arms is one scary fuck, dangerous. Maybe even as dangerous as Teddy. But he’s also lived soft for a long fucking time. What, with his suits and whores, his team of guys that do mosta the dirty shit for him. Stuff I’m doing now and done all my fucking life.

That speech thing? That’s all fucking show. Scare the shit out of people and maybe it don’t even come to a fight.

A quick shot to the throat and Arms isn’t smirking no more. Both his hands come up to claw at his throat, trying to get a breath for all the fucking good it’ll do him. I got him pinned against the back of the car and hit him again and again. Going for all the soft spots and fucking him up inside. Even if he’s lucky enough that I don’t kill him right here and now, he isn’t gonna walk away from this beating. Not way the fuck out here in the middle of nowhere where nobody knows where, or who, he is.

Rita’s screaming, fighting and swearing. It’s almost fucking regret I feel when I hear her get hit. I know why the guy did it and fuck knows I wanted to do it a few times myself. Can’t think about it.

The car door’s opening and I don’t have the luxury of thinking about nothing else.

Except I am.

I’m thinking about that stupid little fuck Marbles. Too fucking stupid to get in out of the rain, shot and left for dead not far from where I’m standing now. I’m thinking a Scarpa.

Arms is on the ground, clawing at his throat and not worrying no more about all the shit on his suit. Dirt and blood but I know the internal bleeding’s a fuck of a lot worse. I could just leave him where he fell and walk away but guys’ll surprise the fuck out of you sometimes, coming back to shoot you when you think they’re fucking dead.

Don’t take much to finish Arms off. A dirty shot that fucks up all the stuff in his neck so’s he can’t breathe. Then I’m going for my gun and tracking Teddy as he gets outta the back seat.

“I just can’t trust you with anything, Taylor-”

Don’t even let him get started never mind finish. One shot in the chest. You want to know the fucking truth? I almost didn’t expect him to go down, like that fuck would just keep coming, no matter how many times I shot him. Like something outta one of them horror movies, you know?

How long I been with that fuck Teddy? And there he is, scrabbling around on the ground, holding a hand over his chest, no different than any other fuck I whacked. Except that he’s not like any other guy I killed.

I don’t hear nothing else. I know, I’m always saying that I can shut a lot of that shit out no matter how loud it gets but this time it’s real. It’s solid. I don’t hear nothing else like none of it exists but me and him in this fucking driveway.

Teddy’s clawing his way back to the car and I know that if he gets there he’s gonna shoot me but I can’t seem to give a fuck. I think of Matty. Not here in Wibaux but when we was kids. Standing in that shitty little basement, where he got the nickname ‘Dimes’.

Teddy takes another shot, in the upper leg this time and it makes him curl up into a ball, swearing and screaming. He’s not getting a whole lot of words out and for a second I couldn’t figure out why and then I realize that everything’s slowed down for me.

So I can remember it.

I think of Matty again. In that barn not far from where we are. Where I decided to take that fucking bullet. I’ve already admitted that I fucking miss Matty some days and I’m guessing that’s pretty obvious by now. Truth is, I fucking loved him, like a brother, like family, I loved him. He got shot and died on the floor of some crummy fucking bar cus’a this fuck right in front of me and I know sure as I stood there that if the choice had to be made, I would’a died for him then too if I had to. I would have fucking died for him if I could’ve and I wouldn’t'a batted an eye at it.

“It don’t gotta go down like this, Taylor!”

Arm’s guy is edging towards the car. Fat fuck’s got Rita by the hair, yanking her around like a rag doll. She’s fighting him but there’s not a fuck of a lot she can do. When they get to the car, he hits her again and she goes down but don’t stay down. It don’t matter cus now he’s got the gun on the kid and it takes all the fight outta her.

I know I said that the kid was probably gonna be safe but a lot of shit can change when a guy thinks he’s gonna die. Arm’s guy is gonna die. I know it and he knows it. It’s in his voice. Higher, a little shakier, and he’s not sure of what he’s saying no more. It’d be real easy for him to shoot the kid, even if he knows I’ll kill him for it. Maybe just cus he knows I’d kill him for it.

I gone cold a lot of times in my life, when everything is so fucking clear, but it’s been a long time. Last time was Matty, right before I took that bullet and I’m back in that moment again.

“You think you know how this is gonna go down?” I ask him, not dropping the gun offa him. Rita’s begging me as much as she’s begging him. Trying to tell Matty it’s gonna be all right. It’s not. It’s not gonna be all right. Even somebody as fucked up as me knows that.

Guy’s saying some shit, threatening the kid, threatening Rita. I hear it but it’s like I don’t, you know? Like it just goes right through me.

“You don’t know shit. You hurt that kid, not only do you die, but I’ll kill everybody you ever fucking knew. I kill your wife, I kill your whores. I kill your mother. I kill your kids. I kill your friends. I kill every fucking body you know.”

I never done that. I know there’s all sorts’a talk about a fucking code and shit. Most of it’s bullshit but some of it isn’t and some guys still live by that shit. I was one of them. No fucking way I’m gonna whack a guy’s family, go after them like that. Never done that, but that’s what’s on the table now if this fat fuck hurts the kid. It’ll be like he never existed cus I’ll kill everybody that ever knew he was alive till there’s nobody left.

He don’t really believe me even if all the color’s gone out of him. “You’re not that kinda guy. That’s just a threat.”

“It’s a promise.”

Fuck knows exactly what I’m talking about. Knows the difference cus he’s done the same thing. Making threats and promises to people he’s fucked up. Whatever. Carefully, he lets go a the kid and just like that, Rita pulls Matty outta the way.

“Get in the van, don’t turn around.”

I don’t know if Rita’ll do it or if she’ll just take the kid and run. I wouldn’t blame her if she did after everything that’s happened. I feel kinda hollow, empty.

“Tayl-”

I don’t let him finish and put a bullet in his head. It’s quiet. It’s done.

The rest is automatic. Shit I’ve done for years and don’t even got to think about no more. Drag the bodies across the road and into the ditch. Drive the car over and that goes into the ditch on top of them. The bodies are under the water but with the bullet holes there’s nobody that’s gonna believe they just went off the road. Nobody’s gonna give a shit about some guys from out of town that ended up dead out here.

Rita screams and pulls Matty a little tighter when I open the door to the van. I didn’t think she’d go back. Didn’t even look to see if she’d gone, like maybe I wanted her to go and was giving her a chance, if she could.

“It’s over now, okay.”

The kid’s crying, scared to death, and I don’t know what the fuck to do or say to change that. All I got is Rita. “We gotta get the fuck out of here, but it’s over now, okay?”

She don’t say nothing but she’s watching me and that’s all the thanks she can give.