Outing [7]

::OUTING::

Chapter 7

**Present Time**

Gabriel’s POV

The phone rings and Vin goes to pick it up, returning short after with the cordless. “No, it’s okay, we’ve been up for a while,” he says into the receiver, taking a seat at the table. “Sure, let me talk to her.”

The sparkle in his eyes melts my heart every time I see it. Just hearing the kids’ voices causes it. Love in its purest essence; more powerful than anything else known by mankind.

I remember that I once told Paloma that and she smiled knowingly, and then confessed to me that she had seen that same sparkle, but that I was the one at the other side of the line.

“Hey, princess, how’s it going?” Vin frowns in concern and I stop with my fork halfway to my mouth. “Your tummy hurts?” He listens and the worry is quickly replaced by amusement. “Well, why don’t you try eating some ice cream to settle your stomach?”

“Vin!” I shake my head in disapproval but he sticks his tongue out at me.

Vin thinks that everything can be solved with ice-cream. From stomachaches to throat soreness right down to swinging moods, depression or menstrual cramps. If there’s ice-cream then there’s a solution; it just a matter of having the right flavor.

“Oh, so that would make it better, huh?” He sips from his mug and then grins. “But you already know what mommy, daddy and Gabe think about puppies, right?” Vin winks at me and I roll my eyes.

Hania has been asking for a puppy for a few months now. Paloma is not sure that Hania is mature enough to assume the responsibility that taking care of a dog entails. We agree with her, but we also know that Hania won’t give up; that little girl is relentless and keeps coming up with all kind of tricks to get her own way. Today is her tummy hurting; last week was her prostate hurting. Of course, she’s too young to know that women don’t have a prostate.

“Okay, we’ll talk about it when we go there next weekend, but I can’t promise you anything.” He pauses, listening, that goofy grin spread on his lips. “Do you? …We miss you too.” Another pause. “No, we love you more…no, we do love you more…” Vin laughs. “Okay, you love us more.”

I grin, shaking my head because I know what’s coming next.

“No, you hang up first…you first…okay, on three?” Vin stands and walks back into the hall, laughing.

This has become some sort of ritual. I love it; it’s so damn sweet.

“One…two…three!”

I laugh quietly.

“Hey! You cheated!” Vin groans and I swear I can hear Hania giggling hysterically at the other side of the line.

They keep talking for a little longer until Vin’s tone of voice changes a little, getting less tender and a bit more ‘buddy-like’. I guess Hania handed the phone to Elan. A few minutes later, Vin returns to the kitchen, still chuckling.

“Damn! She’s relentless.” Vin says as he starts gathering the plates.

“Wonder who she takes after.” I smirk, going over to the sink, filling the dishpan.

“Paloma, who else?” Vin deadpans, handing me the plates.

“Yeah, who else.” I snort, pulling them in the skin, adding a trickle of dishwashing liquid.

Vin smirks and wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Maybe we should get her that puppy so she stops messing around. What do you say?”

“You think you’re ready?” I turn off the water, carefully drying my hands.

Vin shrugs his shoulders and I tilt my head to look at him. When Roman died, Vin swore he wouldn’t get another dog. It was too painful. Roman was another member of the family, but I know that deep down he would love to.

“It’s been almost four years now,” he says quietly.

I nod, pressing my cheek against his. “Maybe we could get a puppy for us? Hania and Elan could take care of him when they’re here.”

Vin closes his eyes, letting out a soft sigh. “Not sure I’m patient enough to pick up after a puppy anymore.”

I smile, leaning back against him. Vin is probably the most patient person I’ve known. “You have the final say, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I know.” Vin nods, squeezing me. “You wash, I dry?”

I turn to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Nope, they soak and we ignore,” I purr suggestively. “I have other plans for us.”

Vin grins. “Oh really?” He knit a brow at me, smiling that sexy smile.

“Uh huh,” I push myself closer to him, pressing my groin to his.

“Fuck,” Vin growls under his breath. “If this is the plan, then I’m all for it.”

“Only the beginning,” I murmur into his ear, then kiss my way down his shoulder.

Vin tilts his head to give my mouth more room to work and laughs softly. “Yeah… Shall we retire to the bedroom?”

I pull back, meeting his eyes. “I think the new table will hold us just fine.”

Vin looks at me, pretending to be shocked. “Why, Mr. Montes, I’m surprised at you…Are you inviting me to take carnal liberties with you? Here? In our kitchen?”

“Damn right I am.” I wink.

Vin snickers. “Come here, you.” He hooks an arm around my neck, pulling me close. “You sure you want me to perform lustful, lewd and lascivious acts on your body?”

“Lustful, lewd and lascivious…” I grin. “Three of my favourite words starting with the letter ‘l’…”

Vin leers at me. “Maybe we should expand our sexual horizons.”

“What did you have in mind, exactly?” I whisper, rotating my ass and rubbing my groin against his.

“There’s this role-playing game…’Milking the Cow’.” He grabs my ass, pulling me harder to him. “I’ve been thinking a lot about it.”

I look at him from under lowered lashes, unsure if he’s serious or not until Vin loses his struggle to keep a straight face and bursts out laughing.

“God, you should see your face!”

I grin sheepishly. “I didn’t know if I should be worried or drop on all fours and practice my moo.”

Vin howls with laughter as tears streak down his face. I chuckle, grabbing him and he staggers into my arms.

“You’re nuts,” I accuse him fondly. “Must be why I feel I have to take pity on you and give you a little lovin’.”

“Bullshit,” Vin chuckles. “You know it’s because you find me sexy and irresistible.”

I solicitously pat him on the back, while pretending to humor him. “Oh yeah, that’s right, I forgot.”

Vin chuckles, walking backwards, pulling me with him, until his ass bumps against the table. “Do we have time for a quickie?”

“Hell yeah,” I nod, tugging up his shirt and throwing it across the kitchen. And if we don’t, right now I don’t care.

“You’re not being altruistic here, are you?” Vin narrows his eyes but he’s grinning.

Sometimes, when I want to cheer him up, I work my magic on him even if I’m not in the mood. It doesn’t happen very often though, mostly because I’m always ‘in the mood’.

I snort. “Nah, I’m being selfish all the way.”

“Good. I like it when you’re selfish.” He shifts positions so I’m the one pressed against the table and slides his hand into my sweat pants.

I moan, reaching around, tracing his twin dimples with my fingers before pushing his sweat shorts down. Then he takes my cock in his hand and slowly, starts stroking it.
“Guess what I found,” he whispers in my ear.

“What?” I pant, removing my own shirt and totally unprepared for Vin’s next words.

“A teat.”

I can’t help the laughter that slowly bubbles inside as he continues to pull at my cock.

“It’s a big one too, think I’ll milk it.” Vin increases the strength of his strokes and I groan, torn between laughter and the indescribable pleasure I’m getting from his touch.

“You sadistic bastard…” I gasp as the laughter bubbles closer to the surface.

“Moo for me, baby,” Vin whispers seductively and I lose it completely.

The laughter burst free as I collapse onto the table, laying there, shaking. Vin’s equally laugh-wracked frame drapes partially over mine. The table shakes with the force of our mirth, not exactly the way I had planned for it to be shaking, but pleasurable just the same.

————

**Past Time**

((Six years before))

Gabriel’s POV

Absentmindedly, I stroke myself as I watched the shooting crew setting up the lights and cameras across the set. There were an unusual amount of people coming and going. I couldn’t help but to wonder how Max had gotten us into a movie like this.

For those of you that are unfamiliar with the porno industry let me tell you that most production companies have, at most, two or three ‘multitask’ employees that do everything. From directing the movie to downright fluffing the actors, or the set, which by the way used to be someone’s garage.

It was the first time that I was taking part in a shooting produced by a company that had at least fifteen employees, each of them with a very specific mission to carry out and on a set that recreated with absolute perfection a 20’s gambling den full of gangsters. I swear I was expecting Humphrey Bogart or James Cagney to show up any minute. It was fascinating.

My character was ‘Rocco’, a low rank guy that would finally be made, becoming one of the bosses within the ‘family’. To prove my loyalty and that I was worthy of such a spot, I had to have sex with the other four bosses and with the big boss. So basically, I was going to be ‘gang-fucked’. But, I also had half a dozen lines that I had been asked to learn before my scene took place and none of them was ‘fuck me harder’.

The people around worked on the porno industry full time; they clearly weren’t amateurs but professionals; this was serious shit. So serious that when I had arrived earlier that week, supposedly to shoot, a doctor had been there and I had had a medical. I had even been asked to pee and they had also taken blood to be tested; they wanted to be sure that I was disease-free and that I didn’t do drugs before I was hired.

They had gotten the results of my tests on Thursday. It was only then when I had finally signed my contract and had even been paid in advance. $4,000 for the gang-fuck scene and a photo shoot session. It was a ridiculous salary when compared to what I used to be paid for just one hardcore scene, but it was worth it all the same because there wouldn’t be robes, horse-bits or fisting.

As I slowly kept stroking myself, so my cock remained hard for the photo shoot, I started thinking about Vin and his ‘just us guys’ party. For one side I wanted to go, badly, but on the other hand my guts kept screaming at me to run in the opposite direction. To be honest, I wasn’t only confused but also a bit scared.

I really liked Vin, a lot, and knew that if I showed up at that party we would likely end up having sex. The genuine concern I had seen in his eyes had really gotten to me, and had made me realize that I was only falling deeper and harder. Right then and there I had wanted for me to fuck me silly, but I just couldn’t do that. Not that night and not with my lower back and hips covered in bruises. That would lead him to ask questions that I wasn’t sure I was ready to answer. You already know how I felt about being a porno actor. I wasn’t ashamed but I wasn’t proud either. It was complicated, and complications weren’t what I need in my life, exactly.

“Hi, I’m Bruno.”

I looked up and found a gorgeous guy, smiling down at me. His right hand was stretched out while his left one was stroking his cock in long, measured strokes.

“Gabriel.” I shook his free hand and offered a polite smile.

“Mind if I keep you company while we wait.” He shifted hands, never missing his languorous rhythm, gesturing to the empty spot on the couch at my side. “It’s going to be a while it seems.”

“Sure.” I gave Bruno a quick once over as I moved aside, making room for him to take a seat.

He was tall, with dark brown hair and deep blue eyes. He didn’t have tan lines and, even though he was all well defined muscles, he didn’t have a huge cock either. In fact, Bruno was pretty average.

“I’m with ‘Colt Studios’ and my boyfriend, Derrick,” he paused to point to a blonde guy who was talking on a cell phone, “is with ‘Falcon’. He’s the director too.” Bruno waved at his boyfriend who waved back at him, and then returned his attention to me. “How about you?”

“Huh?” At my perplexed look, he grinned.

“This movie is some sort of co-production for an anniversary or some shit like that,” Bruno explained, never stopping stroking his cock. “So there are actors from ‘Colt Studios’, ‘Falcon Studios’, ‘Hot House Entertainment’ and even a couple of guys from Chi Chi LaRue’s C1R.”

My eyes grew wide.

Chi Chi LaRue was a legendary porn director. His company, ‘Channel 1 Releasing’ was one of the world’s largest producers of gay pornography. C1R offered over 2,000 gay titles a year from every genre and had a store in West Hollywood also known as ‘Gay Village’ because of the large gay population and the large numbers of gay-oriented businesses. Max’s apartment was there. It figures.

“So, how about you?”

I frowned. “I’m a free lance actor.”

“Oh.” Bruno blinked; he seemed a bit taken aback at my answer. “And how did you get a role in this movie?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “A friend of mine got me in the shooting.”

“Then this is your chance to get a Studio to hire you, or at least an agent.” Bruno pointed out. “It’s not wise to be on your own. Not in the porno business, anyway.”

“I won’t do this much longer.”

I wasn’t planning to make a living off shooting porno. This was just a temporary job for me. As soon as I got enough money to pay for the art school I would be more than done with it; I would never look back.

“Duh,” Bruno snorted. “We all said that shit at some point.”

“You must be Gabriel, right? Maximilian told me that you’ll come.” Derrick, Bruno’s boyfriend said as he approached us, his hand already stretched out. “I’m Derrick by the way.”

“Nice to meet you.” I shook his hand.

Derrick smiled. “Same here.” Then he narrowed his eyes and grinned. “What were you two chatting about, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Bruno smirked. “Gabriel says that he’s just passing by.”

“Is that true?” Derrick looked at me as he took a seat on the arm of the couch. “Because I’d say that you might make big bucks with the right Studio backing you up.”

“I’m a painter. Shooting porno is just a faster way to get the money that I need to pay for the art school.”

Bruno glanced at Derrick and then looked at me square in the eye. “Honey, you think you’re gonna have a normal life after this?”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

Bruno chuckled. “Once you shoot porno it’s hard to get some sort of normal life out of the business. More so if you start playing in the major league.”

“Yep, that’s true,” Derrick agreed and then cleared his throat. “Do you have a boyfriend or a partner?”

I shook my head. “No.”

In fact I had never been in a relationship at all.

“Then let me tell you that as far as I know most people don’t like to find that their boyfriends were once a porno actor. They may say that they don’t care but that’s bullshit. The sad reality is that they care.” Derrick explained. “That’s the reason why most porno actors end up hooking up with partners, hanging out with other actors or with people that work in the porno industry.”

“And that’s not all,” Bruno intervened. “Do you have any idea of how many guys are going to end up watching this movie?”

I shook my head ‘no’.

“A hell of a lot, and the chances of someone recognizing you in the future are more than you think. There will always be someone who will tell your boss or your friends or your landlord that you did porno. You won’t be able to leave your past behind.” Bruno paused, taking Derrick’s hand in his. “That was what happened to Derrick.”

I looked at him and he nodded, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Last year, I got tired of this and quit. I had always liked gardening, in fact I hold a degree in botany, so I got this job at the botanical garden,” he paused, squeezing Bruno’s hand and then continued. “Then one day, out of the blue, my boss told me he wanted to talk with me. I went to his office and he handed me my resignation. Said that the board of directors didn’t want someone with my dirty past being part of the staff and that if I left quietly he’d make sure I got a credential letter to get another job.”

“Can you believe that shit?” Bruno muttered, disgusted. “They fired him because he had been a porno actor. The fuckers!”

Derrick reached out, affectionately stroking Bruno’s hair, surely to calm him down before he got more upset. “I signed my resignation and moved on. I got two more jobs, but somehow there was always someone who ended up recognizing me…so I finally gave up and returned to shooting porno. At least here, people respect me.”

“Damn right they do!” Bruno replied firmly. “And they love you too.”

Derrick grinned, kissing Bruno’s head. “Falcon Studios offered me a lifetime exclusive contract to shoot movies but also to direct them. So, I didn’t think twice.”

I frowned, lost in thoughts. I didn’t know why but it had never occurred to me that shooting porno would come back to bite me in my ass. I guess that I had been so consumed with my own plans for the future, desperately wanting to get the money to enter the art school to become a painter that I didn’t think about the consequences.

Amateur hardcore gay porno had a very specific audience and an even more specific market, but this movie, I realized it would be suitable for all adult market, gay and even straight. It wouldn’t only be available on the Internet to buy, but also at every single adult shop across the country.

“Derrick, we’re ready to start the photo shoot.”

A woman’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked up, frowning. I didn’t want to take part in the movie anymore.

“Great.” Gently, Derrick kissed Bruno’s forehead. “Get ready, okay?”

Bruno nodded, smiling and we both saw Derrick heading towards the set.

“You ready, Gabriel?” Bruno got to his feet, stretching his back and he started stroking himself. It seemed that remembering what had happened to Derrick had upset him so much that he had lost his erection. He wasn’t the only one.

My first thought was to gather my shit and leave the shoot, but I thought better. I had no doubt that the Studio would sue me for breach of contract, and all the money that I had managed to put together would likely end up being spent paying my lawyer and to compensate the Studio for the troubles. I would be right back at the beginning.

I looked around, searching for Max, but he was nowhere to be seen. It was odd but I was more concerned about myself.

“Gabriel?” Bruno called my attention.

I nodded, defeated. “Yeah.” At that point I didn’t have any other choice but fulfilling the contract I had signed.

“Hey, cheer up, honey,” Bruno threw his arm across my shoulder and smiled. “We’ll take care of you; we’re a big family and now you’re part of it.”
I chuckled. I wasn’t sure I wanted to become part of that family, not if in doing that I had to say goodbye to my ultimate dream.

————

Vin’s POV

I had taken my daughter and her mother to NY to visit my parents. Paloma and Hania love them and no wonder. My mom is that kind of person that enjoys pampering the people she loves and my dad doesn’t fall too far behind. Needless to say that they had been over the moon having the three of us staying with them.

Both my mom and my dad loved Paloma, that went unsaid, but they were crazy about Hania. She wasn’t their only granddaughter, but she was the youngest, and so granny and grandpa didn’t have any issues lavishing attention on her. The fact that Hania was pretty loquacious for a two year old toddler was quite an incentive too. She wasn’t shy; in fact she was mischievous and funny, and her witticisms frequently had both of my parents laughing so hard that they ended up with tears streaking down their faces. So, of course, Hania was in heaven with such a devoted audience.

You may not believe this but I’ve always been a pretty home-loving guy. I like to party, of course, but I also take great pleasure in just staying home.

Funny thing is that when I was living with my parents I was constantly complaining about my mom smothering me the way only mothers do, but as soon as I had moved to LA, I started feeling quite homesick. On more occasions than not I found myself missing not only my mom’s cooking and my dad’s man-to-man conversations, but also, and I can’t believe I’m gonna admit this, my mom’s rebukes and my dad’s lectures concerning my sometimes immature behavior. Yeah, I know, unfuckingbelievable.

Anyway, I was having a blast with Hania and my twin brother’s kids, taking them to the zoo and to do whatever I thought they would enjoy, but at the same time, I was enthusiastically looking forward to my ‘just us guys’ weekend. Yep, a weekend, you read that right. I had decided that it wouldn’t be just a Saturday night party anymore, but a whole ‘weekend party’. I might be a ‘has been’ celebrity, but I still could throw parties like nobody business, mind you.

Now that I think about it, I’m sure that I wanted for that weekend party to be memorable just so that I could impress Gabriel. I wanted to dazzle him so he went head over heels over me, of course, but I also wanted for him to have a look at my out-of-reach-for-most-mortals lifestyle.

I was planning to spare no expense in achieving such a goal, so I had hired this party planner, Yoyo, entrusting her with the preparations. She was one of the best and her list of satisfied clients was outstanding, but Yoyo was also infamous across LA because if she was given room to do as she pleased, then it meant that the party would likely go down in history. It was going to cost me a little fortune though; I just didn’t care. I should have known better than thinking that I would impress Gabe that way. But let’s go back to my parents and my futile efforts to fool them.

As much as I had missed to have them around, I had also been avoiding for any of them to catch me alone. I knew that my mom could read me like an open book and my dad seemed to have some sort of weird, mental connection with her, which caused that, by extension, he could read me just as well. I had no doubt that they would likely figure out that something was wrong, or at least wasn’t right with me as soon as they had the opportunity to get me alone. So, to minimize their chances, I had put on my poker attitude and pretended that everything was okay in my life, which it was, if you didn’t take too close a look, that was.

I mean, I wasn’t working at the time, that’s true, but I wasn’t loafing around either. I had a couple of scripts on my desk and I hadn’t stopped working on ‘Hannibal’; I had just set that project aside until better times came.

There also were my two companies, ‘Tigon Studios’ and ‘One Race Films’. So far, I had managed to dodge the financial crisis that half the world was immersed in. And let’s not forget the amazing job that the people at ‘One Race Global Foundation’, with my dad at the front, were doing, empowering young people in developing countries with the skills to write, direct and produce their own films. We had launched the pilot program a few years before in the Dominican Republic obtaining quite the success, let me tell you, and the project had continued to grow every year since then. So, taking into consideration such a fact, I couldn’t say that I sucked at being a business man.

Concerning my personal life, well, I wasn’t doing that bad either. Paloma was pregnant with my baby boy, Elan, and lately we had gotten even closer than before. Hania was growing up healthy and happy. I was in pretty good shape; I had even started to seriously consider quitting smoking, for the sixth time, I admit, and doing other substances that I rather not admit I did from time to time. My friends and my family loved me and they all enjoyed good health, and I had Karim waiting on me hand and foot. I mean, what else could I ask for? Most people weren’t as fortunate as I was, now were they?

So, like I was saying. Friday was around the corner and I even congratulated myself for being such a fine actor, fooling my parents of all people! That was until my dad asked me to take part in a seminar that one of his colleagues at the university was giving about the process of creating a character while writing. I would show up as a last minute, extra speaker, sharing my personal experience with the students.

I just couldn’t say no. I mean, how was I going to refuse such a chance to flash those kids with my deep knowledge about the matter?  Besides, the university was full of hotties, girls and boys. And do not give me that look, okay? Sweet things never made anyone bitter, right? And I never said that I was running my candidature for sainthood.

Anyway, I gave my speech and I dared to say that I even impressed the students. I signed a few autographs, posed for a bunch of pictures and endlessly enjoyed the walkabout. But after we left the campus, I found myself alone with my dad, inside the car and stuck in a traffic jam. It was only then when I realized how naïve I had been for real. I couldn’t believe how easily my dad had set a trap for me and how I had meekly walked in with a huge smile. It had always been that way with my dad though.

Irving Vincent was no fool; he knew that feeding my ego was the first step to get me to do what he wanted me to do; to open up, that was, admitting that everything wasn’t okay in my life and that something was bothering me. The man is not very tall but what he lacks in height he more than makes up with a large list of attributes.

I still remember when I came out to my family. Like happens in most occasions, my parents already suspected that I kinda liked to swing by both sides of the river. It was back then when I realized how extremely fortunate I was for real.

I was very conscious of the fact that not all guys had been blessed with open minded parents the way I had been blessed. I knew a lot of girls and boys whose folks had kicked them out of their homes and lives, unable to accept their daughters’ and sons’ sexualities.

My siblings teased me. It figures. My twin brother Paul said that if I was doing that to attract more attention that I better forget about that shit ’cause he still had better grades and was more handsome too’ and my kid sister Sammy who was around 13 year old back then bounced up and down in glee saying ‘cool! Let’s go sales hunting!’

My mom, being her unique self, took me apart and said ‘Mark, if you listen to nothing else I say, remember this: choose a man with a large penis. People that say size doesn’t matter are generally the ones that don’t have too much to brag about in the crotch department.’ And then just to mess with me because just like my grandma used to say one of the perks of parenthood is messing with your children, embarrassing them, she plunged ‘your dad has a nice eight inches deal, God, I love that man’.

It was way too much information and I sure as hell didn’t need to know that, but I hugged her tightly, thankful because she still loved me as much as she had done a few minutes before. Not that I had doubted her, but with your folks, well, you never know for sure how they would react.

All in all, I was concerned about how my dad felt for real about me being bisexual. I mean, I knew the man loved me more than if I was his own blood and also knew that he would never judge me. Still, I needed to know, so I took a deep breath and asked him openly.

To my surprise, he answered that it was a bullshit question and that what he thought about me being bisexual didn’t mean crap ’cause I still was who I was, and that what I liked in the sack changed nothing. Then he pulled me to him, holding me tightly and whispered that he loved me, that he was proud of me and to not forget to use protection, always.

Relieved, I told him that I was concerned because I didn’t want to disappoint him. Once more, my dad’s answer caught me off guard. He said ’son, for a smart kid you come up with some of the dumbest shit’.

And I realized that he was right. It had been a bullshit question. I didn’t need his approval, what I needed was his love and his respect, and I had both. So yeah, I was extremely fortunate all right. My parents might not be checking the paper, looking for the next gay pride parade to march in, but they loved me and accepted me and isn’t that what really matters?

So there I was, stuck in my dad’s car in the middle of a traffic jam and doing my best to look like everything was cool. Yeah, right. Inside, I was shaking because I knew that he wouldn’t wait much longer to get me to spill my guts out.

“So, how’s Karim?”

I chuckled, staring outside, at the people filling the busy street. My dad never beat about the bush, ever; he always went straight to the point. “He’s fine.”

“Is everything okay with you two?”

Okay, so let’s get this straight. I had never taken Karim to visit my parents nor had I introduced him to them the way I would do one month later with Gabe, but I never hid my relationship with him either. However, they all had met during one of my parents’ many trips to Santo Domingo but only because Karim’s father was one of our partners at the Foundation. Just like Paloma, my parents didn’t like Karim too much, but it was my life so they had never meddled.

“Yeah, we’re fine.” I guess I didn’t sound too convincing.

“Son,” my dad sighed, “maybe you should consider going back to drama school ’cause your acting skills are starting to suck, big time.” There was humor in his voice and I had to laugh.

“Maybe.”

There was a small comfortable silence and then. “So…who is she?” My dad grinned, drumming his fingers on the wheel. “Or is a he?”

I chuckled; the man was relentless.

“What makes you think that there’s someone?” I glanced at him and my dad just gave me that ‘duh look’. I knew right away that he wouldn’t give up any time soon, so I obliged, sort of. “He’s a painter.”

I didn’t consider it necessary to go into details about everything that Gabe did for a living. That would be way too much information that my dad sure as hell didn’t need to know about.

“Oh, a painter.” He sounded happily surprised and I recognized my own reaction when Gabe had told me. “It sounds interesting.”

I knew my dad wasn’t making fun; he had always loved art. “Yes, it does.” I agreed with him. I had grown up in a neighbourhood full of painters, musicians and all kind of artists.

“Hmmm…I like that.” My dad said thoughtful. “Does he make you laugh?”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, dad, I just met him.”

“Well, like that’s a big deal,” he chuckled. “I had only been talking with your mom for fifteen minutes and she already had me laughing my ass off at something she said.”

I recalled how much fun Gabe and I had while eating pancakes and how time had seemed to fly, literally. “Yeah.” I nodded as my lips spread in a huge goofy grin. “He’s funny too and had a great sense of humor.

“Good, good,” my dad nodded approvingly. “My father always said to make sure that whoever I choose to share my life with could make me laugh and to not forget that she and my friends had to get along well.”

“Whoa! Who says I’m gonna choose him to share my life with?”

My dad pinned me with his wise eyes and, once more, gave me that duh look. I hated when he did that. It was as though the man could see my future; it was very disconcerting, mostly because he almost always was right in his predictions.

I grinned and pretended I hadn’t said anything. “Grandpa was a wise fella.”

My dad nodded in agreement. “Yeah, he also said to make sure that she had big tits.”

We both cracked up at that. My grandfather had had this funny fixation with big-breasted women.

We went silent for a moment, both of us lost in thought, until my dad insisted yet once more in getting me to share my fears.

“Son, you know your mom and I only want for you to be happy, right?”

My forehead crumpled slightly at the sudden change in topic but I was somehow expecting for my dad to search for the best approach to the matter than concerned him the most; my happiness. I felt the need to reassure him.

“And I’m happy, dad.” I once more did my best to sound convincing, but I guessed that my acting skill did really suck.

“Mark,” my dad smiled sadly. “I see you laughing and making jokes but your eyes…” he let out a heavy sigh, “they don’t sparkle the way they should.”

I swear I didn’t know I was that transparent, then again this was my dad and he was right. I wasn’t happy, not the way I should be and I didn’t know what to do to change that. Oh, scratch that! I knew what to do, or at least where to start, but I was too scared to do something about it.

“I can’t start to figure out how lonely you must feel locked in that closet of yours…”

This was a topic we had discussed before and, even though I had always been inflexible, I had also started to wonder if my arguments still made sense. I mean, outing was not anything I had seriously planned to do any time soon, mostly because it would mean the end of my career, but I hated to pretend. It made me feel dishonest, as though I was cheating. Max had been right about one thing he had said, there’s nothing worse than a person pretending to be something that they’re not.

“It must be so cold and dark in there…”

My dad’s voice sounded thick, overwhelmed with pain and yet tinted with anger. Not directed at me, but at the circumstances.

I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the tears that all of sudden threatened to spill down my cheeks at the pain in my dad’s voice. He knew I was hurting, badly, and had been hurting for a while now. My pain and my unhappiness saddened him to a great extent.

I swallowed past the knot on my throat. “It also is safe in here, dad.”

“I guess so,” he whispered thoughtfully. “But the price you’re paying is too high. To sacrifice your happiness for the sake of your career doesn’t sound fair.”

“Life is not fair.”

My dad chuckled sadly. “That’s a simplistic reasoning, son.”

I shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe, but it also is a reality.” If a painful one.

My dad had always been an idealist; pursuit of happiness was his motto. He had never given relevance to things like money, power or recognition. Those poor in spirit were the only ones that valued such worthless goals in life. Everything that mattered to him, such as his family and his job, brought him not only joy but also peace of mind; everything else was just a bonus.

Maybe that’s the reason why, emotionally, my dad lives in the present moment, as though each new day is also the last one, and because of that he puts all his effort in making sure that all of us know that he loves us with everything in him and then some. For more than four decades, every morning, my dad has been asking my mom if she is happy and then he tells her that he loves her. However, he’s also a pretty down-to-earth man, very realistic. It took me a while to learn that the secret was to reach some sort of balance.

I remember one occasion when I phoned my dad to tell him that I had turned down an indecent amount of money for shooting ‘The Fast and The furious 2′. I had thought that, being an idealist who had been meditating all his life, he would love such a fact, but instead my dad went and said ‘Mark, are you sure you know what you’re doing?’ See? He’s an idealist but such a fact doesn’t make of him a moron that lives in la-la-land.

“I hardly work anymore, dad, and if things keep going this way much longer, then I’ll be lucky if I’m offered a role on a TV show at all.” As much as I hated to admit it, that was the crude reality. “Leaving the closet right now would be suicide; my career will only go downhill at a faster speed than it’s already going.”

“Then maybe this is the perfect moment for you to do that, exactly.” He reasoned.

“What do you mean?” I frowned; I wasn’t sure I knew where my dad was heading.

“Son, listen to me, would you? I love action movies as much as you do, but keep it real. You aren’t a kid anymore; maybe it’s time for you to introduce major changes in your life. You always wanted to direct movies and to write. You said so yourself countless times.”

I understood what he was saying but couldn’t afford the risk. How was I going to support my family if I didn’t work? The bills wouldn’t pay themselves.

“Dad,” I heaved a hard sigh. “I don’t have that luxury anymore. I gotta think about my kids and Paloma.”

Now my dad was the one letting out a heavy sigh. “You look so unhappy, Mark. It breaks my heart to see you suffering because you can’t be yourself.”

“I’m fine, dad, I’m not suffering.”

“Damnit, Mark! Stop fooling me and stop fooling yourself!” My dad raised his voice for the first time. I blinked, startled but struck back.

“And what the fuck do you want me to do, huh, dad?” I saw the muscles in my dad’s jaw twitching uncontrollably when he clenched his teeth but I was determined to say my piece. “Hollywood may give the impression of being all open minded, gay friendly and shit, but the truth is they’d eat me alive, spitting out the remains.”

My words silenced my dad but I knew that he wouldn’t give up.

“What’s his name, anyway?”

I rolled my eyes. The man was indeed relentless.

“Gabriel.” I sighed.

“I like it, it’s a nice name.” He grinned and then plunged “Is he hot?”

“Dad!” I groaned. I knew my dad was teasing me, but damn!

“Well?” He insisted, waiting for my answer.

I shook my head. I also knew that it would be a lost battle. “Yeah,” I finally admitted.

“Good. You always had great taste.”

I grinned; my dad is the shit, I swear.

“Oh, well, I guess that big tits deal is out of the question, then.” He commented absentmindedly and we both cracked up once more.

Ch 8