The Top 10 Craziest Sex Laws in America

AlterNet

Laws are supposed to protects us, but when the government decides to get in our pants, some crazy stuff goes down!

Here are some actual sex laws truly for the record books!

1. In Bakersfield, Calif., if you’re going to have sex with Satan, you’ve gotta use a condom. And definitely come up with a safe word!

2. Poking a porcupine is illegal in Florida. But apparently that law didn’t go far enough. Just a couple of weeks ago, State Sen. Nan Rich submitted a bill that would ban peeps in the Sunshine State from being able to stick it in where the sun don’t shine on any animal.

3. In Minnesota, it’s illegal for any slime bucket to hook up with a live fish.  Don’t worry disinterested wives, a cold fish is still A-OK!

4. In Dyersburg, Tenn., it is illegal for a lady to call a gentleman for a date. Clearly no one in that town is getting laid!

5. In Merryville, Mo., no woman can waste her natural waist. Wearing a corset is illegal because “the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.” No wonder it’s called the “Show Me State!”

6. It’s illegal to purchase sex toys in Alabama. This law can beat it!

7. In Washington state, it’s totally legal to eff an animal like an animal, as long as it weighs less than 40 lbs. What, fatty farm pets don’t deserve some love?

8. While most would argue that this is place where the people get screwed many different ways, in Washington, D.C., engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal.

9. In Massachusetts, you cannot recklessly consummate your love with a rodeo clown while the horses are still around. But seriously, there’s a reason for the expression “hung like a horse.” I doubt the animal would get jealous!

10. The biggest Internet-porn-consuming state, Utah, gets freaky in its laws too. Sex with an animal is totally cool, unless you’re doing it for cold, hard cash! Hey, why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free!