::OUTING::
Chapter 11
**Present Time**
Gabriel’s POV
“Stop doing that shit, you’re gonna give yourself a stiff neck.”
I frown at Vin but keep craning my neck in all directions at once. “Where are they? I can’t see them.” I’ve been trying to spot Vin’s parents among the people that crowd the terminal but to no avail. There’s no sign of them. “Their flight arrived almost an hour ago! What’s taking them so long?”
I hear Vin chuckling right behind me. “Knowing my mom she packed half the house just in case. I just can see my dad dragging these big ass suitcases of hers across the terminal.” At my disapproving look he knits a brow. “What?”
I shake my head. “No wonder she likes me best.”
“In your dreams.” Vin grins, then looks past me and his grin turns into a huge smile. “There they are.”
“Oh, thank God!” I spin around watching Delora and Irving finally making their way to us. I hate to admit it but Vin was right. Irving is pushing their overloaded trolley in dismay, and just like Vin said it looks like Delora packed half the house even though they’re staying for just the weekend.
“I bet you first thing she says is that you lost weight and demands to know why,” Vin whispers as he moves past me, intercepting Irving before he takes another step in pushing that trolley. I frown at him but don’t have a chance to actually reply ‘and then she’ll say you’re fatter’.
Delora hugs me like only a mom would do, smooching me tenderly and then releases me, eyeing me up and down.
“You’re thinner, Gabriel. Why?”
I know she’s not expecting an answer, not right away, because she hugs me again, tightly, kissing my cheeks.
“You lost at least five pounds.” She shakes her head disapprovingly but there’s tenderness in her voice.
I look at Vin over her shoulder and the fucker is grinning smugly as he is hugged by Irving. Vin’s smug grin however vanishes in one second, as soon as Delora turns to him, without letting go of me.
“And I see you found them.”
Now it’s my turn to grin because I know what comes next.
“Mom!” Vin groans, releasing Irving.
“Well, it’s true, honey, but I love you all the same.” Delora kisses him and then she hugs him tightly, rubbing his back.
“Don’t mind her, you two look fabulous,” Irving whispers in a conspiratorial tone of voice as he hugs me and it makes me giggle.
I still remember the very first time Vin’s dad took me aside to have what Vin called a ‘man to man chat’ with him. Irving didn’t beat about the bush though and asked me what my intentions were concerning Vin.
I sucked in a breath and working out the words I replied ‘sir, my intention is to make your son so happy that he doesn’t have time to come to his senses and dump me’.
At my words, Irving blinked and, flashing me a brilliant smile, he pulled me to him, hugging me tightly and said ‘welcome to the family, son.’
“How you doing, Gabriel?” Irving cups my face, squeezing my hand.
“Now, I’m doing great, dad. I’ve missed the hell out of you both.”
“Watch your mouth, Gabi, or I’ll have to spank you.” Delora chides me but the humor in her voice is impossible to miss.
“Why is that he always getting the larger straw?” Vin complains even though he’s grinning.
“Told you, dear, she likes me best.”
“In your dreams, darling.”
“Oh, you two are impossible.” Delora shakes her head but her radiant smile brightens the entire terminal.
We finally make our way to the parking lot, chatting about this and that until we all get in the SUV. Vin’s at the wheel with Irving at his side, Delora and I in the back seat.
“Oh, I made you cheesecake, Gabi.” She squeezes my hand.
“Don’t tell me you hauled a cheese cake from NY?” I blink shocked.
“Of course,” Delora replies like it’s the most natural thing in the world to do. She knows how much I love her cheesecake.
“We figured you’d be a step away from going insane worrying about tonight,” Irving adds.
“So I said to myself ‘what could I do to make my Gabi feel better?’” Delora continues.
“His mom’s famous cheesecake,” I answer and she nods, her eyes full of love, understanding and joy.
Vin loves to tease Val, saying that he’s my ‘mommy’, but the only mother I’ve known is Delora, and it doesn’t really matter if I found her just six years ago. She reprimands me, encourages me, understands me and loves me just as much as she does Vin. In fact, she doesn’t make differences between us, nor does Irving. I even get what she calls ‘love taps’ if she thinks I deserve them. Blood laces don’t mean shit in this family.
All the tension and the nervousness I’ve been building up over the last days that I wasn’t even aware of finally seem to take its toll on me and, next thing I know, I’m crying like a little kid.
“Shhhhh, it’s okay, Gabi,” Delora pulls me to her and rocks me gently as she starts stroking my back and my hair, soothing me. “Mom’s here now, and everything is going to be okay.”
Unable to stop, I continue to cry, soaking her blouse. Damned it all but I do believe her. Now, that she’s here, that Irving is here, I know everything will go great.
It takes me a few minutes to compose myself, although I see no reason to take my head away from the comfort of her breast. Delora doesn’t mind, of course, and we sat there, tied together in that unfathomable bond mothers have had with their children since forever.
******
**Past Time**
((Six years before))
Gabriel’s POV
By the time we reached the house I had cooled off and Vin’s words had to do with it, partly at least. To figure out where to go from here meant that we were heading somewhere; that whatever we had going on wasn’t just a ‘one time’ deal, and it was a scary thought. However, there was another thing that concerned me as much as Vin’s words did, if not more. I had yet to tell him that I was a porno actor and I had no idea how I would bring up the subject, exactly.
It concerned me what Vin might think of me after finding that out. I knew that what Max had said about Vin ‘being fond of people in the porno business’ wasn’t bullshit and yet something told me that Vin wouldn’t be bouncing up and down when he knew how I had been paying my bills, exactly.
“You hungry?”
I blinked, confused at Vin’s question until my stomach rumbled loudly. A reminder of other bodily functions that needed to be taken care of. All in all, I was familiar with the sensation of living on an empty stomach but it had stopped bothering me years ago. When you grow up on the streets you learn to ignore it.
“No, I’m okay.” And just to contradict my words my stomach rumbled again, louder than before.
“Yeah, sure,” Vin snorted. “I’ll fix you something in a minute, gotta pee first.”
“It’s not necessary, Vin, really, I’m oka-”
His mouth on mine shut me up and I just went with it. It was then when I started to suspect that Vin would do whatever he considered he had to do whether I agreed or not.
Just when I was getting into the kiss, he let go of me and pointed to the kitchen. “Wait for me there, I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Okay,” I replied as I watched him entering a small bathroom at the right side of the foyer, closing the door at his back.
I smiled a little and headed towards the kitchen, thinking that it was sweet of him to want to feed me, to take care of me. It was a comforting feeling that I welcomed with open arms, mostly because I had never had anyone doing something like that for me.
Nevertheless, as soon as I entered the kitchen I saw Karim leaned against the countertop and my mood changed in one second flat. He was in a pair of boxers, sipping from a cup of coffee and had looked totally at ease until I stood at the door frame, as though frozen in place.
“Still around I see.” The flash of pain in his eyes didn’t match the hostility his voice carried and that he didn’t even try to hide. It reminded me of who he was and why he was there.
The night before, Karim had acted as though he owned the place because that was what he did, exactly; he lived there with Vin. It was his house too and it was only then when it struck me what I was doing; what Vin and I were doing. If he and Karim had been a married couple, I would have been the ‘mistress’ and Vin was shamelessly parading me in front of him.
“It’s not what you think,” I lamely found myself blurting and even I cringed inwardly at my own words; they couldn’t have been more inappropriate. No wonder Karim snorted out loud.
“I don’t care,” he said casually but threw the rest of his coffee in the sink, as though my mere presence turned his stomach, making him sick. “My advice; enjoy it while it lasts, boy.” And with that he proudly lifted his head and, pushing past me, he exited the kitchen.
I stared at his retreating back, feeling not only like the biggest piece of shit but also small. I wasn’t even hungry anymore, in fact even my stomach agreed with me and stopped rumbling.
His words echoed in my head and I became painfully aware of the hidden meaning behind them. Karim had gone through the same shit so many times that he no longer seemed to care, and even though it was clear that it hurt him, there he was, putting up with Vin’s bullshit.
Of course, back then I still didn’t know why, but it wouldn’t be much longer until I found the reality behind the Vin/Karim relationship and the reason why even though there was Paloma, Hania and soon Elan too, Karim had always been there as well.
“Yo, bro, remember that there’s no cleaning crew ’till Monday.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, now get lost.”
The sound of the two male voices that I recognized as Val’s and Dave’s pulled me out of my thoughts. It was then when I saw Valentino as he slid closed the door of the salon. Then heard what sounded like giggles coming from the room he had just left. The huge goofy grin spread on his lips along with the marks on his back told me that he and some chick had had a lot of fun.
“Hey, morning, Gabriel.” Val tapped my shoulder and moved past me. “How you doing, man?” His cheerful tone of voice made me smile a little.
I was about to answer him when the door of the salon slid open again and a naked blonde girl showed up. She waved at me, smiling, and padded towards the bathroom Vin had entered, trying to open the door.
“Whoever is in there let me in. Gotta pee!” She knocked repeatedly, working the handle.
A moment later, the door opened and Vin stepped out, moving to one side, leaving room for her to enter with a chivalrous gesture. “Morning, beautiful, all yours.”
That caused the girl to laugh and then she tiptoed on her feet, kissing him hungrily.
In response, Vin kissed her back and even pinched her butt, chuckling when she yelped in surprise just to giggle.
“I’ll make you pay for that, Diesel,” she seductively purred as she rubbed herself against him.
“Promises, promises…” Vin growled.
She kissed him again and entered the bathroom, closing and locking the door at her back. I was finding it hard to squash down the sudden pang of jealousy I felt at their little back and forth until I saw Vin doing something that caused my chest to tighten painfully.
Roughly, he cleaned his lips with the back of his hand and, hanging his head down, he muttered a curse. Vin looked like he was carrying the weight of the world upon his shoulders. Then he leaned against the wall, shaking his head, as though pulling himself together and, pinching the bridge of his nose, he once more swore softly.
It made my heart hurt to see him; he looked so miserable…so unhappy…I reminded myself that he had yet to leave the safety of his closet, that he still had to pretend, and it was even more painful to see because he was in his own house.
As though Vin could sense me staring at him, he lifted his head and offered me a small smile.
“What happened to your back, Morales?” He finally headed towards the kitchen. “Did you get into a fight with a wild cat?” His voice sounded even, and I even dare to say cool, but his gaze betrayed him.
“More like a pussycat.” Val finished fixing himself a sandwich and looked at Vin over his shoulder. Val had been standing with his back to the door but I knew by the way his eyes narrowed that without even watching what had happened, he just knew. “You okay, bro?”
Vin nodded and glanced at me. “I’ll be.” He looked tense but the small smile was still there.
“Good.” Val mimicked Vin’s smile.
“Where’s Dave and the others?” Vin opened the cooler, pulling out a pitcher with what look like orange juice, setting it on the countertop.
“Dave’s in the salon with Veronica and that blonde chick…can’t remember her name now. Gordon left a couple of hours ago, something about taking his mom to go shopping and George is…” Val shrugged his broad shoulders. “Don’t know where he is, exactly, around I guess.” As Val updated Vin, he poured himself a tall glass of orange juice from the pitcher and took a seat at one of the tall stools.
“Dave better not make a mess, there’s no cleaning crew ’till Monday.” Vin moved past me, his arm brushing softly against mine.
“He knows, I told him.” Val sipped from his orange juice.
Vin nodded approvingly and then frowned at Val’s bloody marks. “You should get someone to take a look at that shit.”
Val glanced at his back over his shoulder, frowning a little himself. “Nah, it’s okay, I’ve had worse,” he chuckled then grinned. “Man, that chick’s mouth was like a vacuum.”
At that Vin smirked.
I looked back and forth between them, disconcerted at their conversation until I noticed that Vin had visibly relaxed.
Small conversation; meant as much as a distraction as to ease the invisible tension. It worked though.
“What do you feel like eating, Gabe?” Vin’s smirk died on his lips in one second flat however, surely the look on my face was to blame. “You okay?” He stood in front of me, stroking my arm up and down. “Gabe, what’s wrong?”
I glanced at Val and found him looking at me, concerned. Then I returned my attention to Vin. “Nothing’s wrong,” I lied.
“Yeah, sure.” Vin narrowed his eyes doubtfully, “Come on, what’s up? You looked fine ten minutes ago.”
Yeah, well, ten minutes ago I hadn’t run into Karim. And ten minutes ago I hadn’t witnessed how he had put on a show for that chick so she wouldn’t out him.
“Gabriel’s just tired, right?” Val said around a mouthful of his sandwich. “You kept him up all night, you fucker. No wonder he’s-.”
Vin interrupted him. “It’s not that.”
To be honest, I felt exhausted but that wasn’t enough to upset me. Now Karim’s words and watching Vin, feeling so miserable and unhappy…that was what was eating at me and I didn’t even dare to ask him. And who was I to ask, anyway? I had never known what it meant to be in the closet nor had had to pretend I was someone I wasn’t.
Slowly, Vin rested his hands on my hips and pinned me with that gaze of his, the one that told me that he could see what I was thinking. “It’s Karim. Did you run into him?”
Well, he had hit the mark, if partially. Of the two subjects that bothered me that one felt easier to deal with. I nodded.
“Coño…” Val whispered under his breath and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him as he picked up what was left of his sandwich and sneaked away, out of the kitchen, leaving us alone.
“What did he say?” Vin’s voice sounded cold and hard but he looked anxious; as though he was terrified of what I would say. I couldn’t avert my eyes from his even if my life depended on it.
“That he didn’t care whatever we had going on and to enjoy it while it lasted,” I got out barely above a whisper.
Vin let out a heavy sigh and the pained look in his eyes told me that he didn’t even know what to say at that. And yet, he didn’t even try to deny the implied meaning behind Karim’s words. That led me to fear that maybe whatever we had going on wouldn’t last long; maybe it would end up being a ‘one time’ deal after all.
It was then when I understood what Vin had meant by saying that his life was complicated.
There were like a lot of people in it and they all had somehow found a way to co-exist together. Paloma and Hania, Karim, Vin’s friends that looked more like family…all of them seemed to know where they fit, all of them but me. I wasn’t sure if there would be a place for me or if I would fit, and worse, I didn’t even know if I really wanted to.
And that wasn’t all. He was a closeted bisexual; people may suspect but they didn’t know for sure. It was pretty clear to me that Vin wouldn’t leave the safety of his closet for the hell of it either. It would be a huge risk I knew he was not ready to face, maybe would never be. It was indeed damned complicated.
I once more felt the urge to run away, to walk out of Vin’s life before he had the chance to break my heart, just as Max had predicted. However, let me tell you that in spite of the fact that I saw the warning sign screaming at me to get out of there as fast as I could, I just did exactly the opposite, because, you see, I had already fallen in love with Vin.
I lift a hand, stroking his stubbled cheek. It surprised me a little when Vin closed his eyes and turned his face into my caress, like a big cat. “Complicated,” I found myself whispering.
Vin chuckled sadly and opened his eyes, staring at mine. “Do you want to leave?”
“Yes. No,” I groaned. “I don’t know.”
Vin gave me a funny look and I had to grin. Yeah, I didn’t even know what I wanted to do. Big surprise there, eh? But I knew one thing that I definitely didn’t want to do.
“I’m damned tired and I want to stay…but I don’t want to sleep in the same bed that you and…” I trailed off and Vin nodded in understanding.
“It’s a new bed, I bought it a couple of weeks ago, right before Paloma came for her checkup. Karim had never slept-”
I interrupted him. “Is that true?”
He nodded. “I slept with Paloma in it though, I’ll tell you that straight up.”
“I like Paloma; she was really nice to me.”
That got me a wicked grin. “Tell you a secret; she thinks you’re a hottie.”
“Really?” It didn’t surprise me that much. I mean, we had been talking about her so I guessed that it was only fair that they had done the same. In fact, I liked to know that Vin had been talking about me with Paloma.
Vin nodded. “Anyway, I want for you to know that there are two more bedrooms apart from Hania’s. You can crash in any of them, if you want.”
I knew Vin was giving me a way out but I had already decided I didn’t want it. “It’s okay, I can crash with you, if you want.”
Vin chuckled and gave me a ‘duh’ look. “You still hungry?”
I sighed hard. I was, but I didn’t think I could eat. Now, sleeping? That sounded like a plan, and I don’t care what you all may be thinking about me, but in spite of what had happened and the awkwardness of the situation, well, I wanted to sleep with him. Sue me.
“I’d rather get some sleep first.”
Vin smiled a little and leaned forward, kissing my lips softly, just a peck. Then tilted his head back to meet my eyes. “You sure you want to sleep with me?”
I had never been more sure about anything. I nodded. “Yeah.”
His lips curved into a small cocky grin for second. “Just sleeping though.”
That made me laugh. “Yeah, just sleeping.”
*********
Vin’s POV
I deliberately turned my back to Gabe, providing him a bit of privacy and walked over to my closet. I stripped to my boxers, but stopped there.
You have to know that we normally sleep naked, except if the kids are staying with us; they always showed up, out of nowhere, jumping on our bed, waking us up.
Back then I wasn’t sure about what to do exactly because I didn’t know if Gabe slept naked or not.
To be honest, I wanted nothing more than to feel his skin against mine but suspected that maybe Gabe wouldn’t feel comfortable. I mean, we had agreed on sleeping together, just sleeping, and we had also agreed to take it easy, but something was bothering Gabe and I had yet to figure out what it was.
I turned to see how he was doing and found Gabe standing there in his jeans and I knew right away that he was thinking the same thing I was thinking.
So okay, maybe we weren’t ready yet for the big event, but we sure as shit could check each other out. After all, it wasn’t like I hadn’t seen Gabe’s body before and yet hadn’t been able to really look at him. But now, here he was, standing right in front of me, and finally I got a good look at the man I’d fantasized about from the minute I saw him.
There wasn’t an extra ounce of fat on his body yet he wasn’t skinny like Karim, but lean and toned. Well defined muscles, hairless chest and olive skin.
My eyes followed the length of his legs to his long narrow feet and toes and then they reversed and covered the same ground until they stopped at the top of his thighs. He had quite a bulge there, and it stretched and weighed down the fabric of his jeans. As I looked I could see a twitch and I thought I noticed a thickening of the shaft, the outline plainly visible under the worn fabric. He was going commando.
I forced myself to stop from licking my lips and turned my eyes back to his face. He was blushing. I was making him uncomfortable, or that was what I thought until I realized that Gabe had been too busy looking at me to notice my stare.
His eyes flickered up and down my torso, and when they lingered on the bulge my boxers showed, my cock stirred, as though waving ‘hi’. ‘Little Diesel’ had always known when he was being admired.
All in all I felt my cheeks heating up because, unlike Gabe, I had gained a few pounds over the last weeks. I always did when I wasn’t shooting a movie. Lately, I had been skipping my daily workout and now I was regretting it. You have no idea how much. The new weight had settled over my belly. Thank God, the rest of me still looked toned and pretty fit.
Anyway, I was promising myself that I would start my work out on Monday when Gabe interrupted my thoughts.
“Which side of the bed should I take?”
“Huh? Oh,” I finally focused on his question. “I usually sleep on the right side. That okay with you?”
Well, at least one of us was thinking practical thoughts.
“Sure,” Gabe replied, and walked over to the left side. He hesitated for a few seconds, as though making up his mind and then he shoved down his jeans, pulled down the covers, and scooted in.
I watched as he did this and it suddenly hit me. This was Gabe in my bed. I mean, in my bed! Right there, sprawled out underneath my silk sheets! And naked!! And I had just told him that I thought it was a good idea that we get some sleep. Was I out of my fucking mind?
Doing my best to remain calm, I walked to the windows and slid the curtains closed, bathing the room in shadows. The sun was shining, but it wasn’t even 10am. Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked over and sat down on the bed. I could feel Gabe’s eyes burning into my back. I didn’t even have the darkness to try and convince myself that the lump next to me wasn’t Gabe, the guy I’d been lusting after since the minute I saw him at Gordon’s birthday party.
Shit, I thought, this was torture! I wasn’t even tired anymore. But, as I swung my legs around and got under the covers, I reminded myself that I was going to keep my word. God knows how, but I was going to try.
We lay next to each other, not touching, not saying anything, and barely breathing, if I tell you the truth. I didn’t know about Gabe, but to my way of thinking, this was going to turn into a long ass nap.
My head and my heart knew without a doubt that this was absolutely the right thing to do; I just wished my cock felt the same way. It was as hard as a baseball bat, and it was pointing directly at Gabe’s face, as though showing me exactly where it should be right now. And frankly, I thought ‘what a waste’ because, you know, it wasn’t every day that my cock felt as though it was made of steel.
“Vin?” The sound of my name on his lips made my heart skip a beat.
“Uh-huh.”
“I think this is a good idea.”
“What?” I mumbled.
“Uh,” he seemed to be searching for the right words. “You know… us not rushing things.”
“Sure.”
“I mean…” he continued. “It’s not like we don’t have time, right?” I wasn’t sure if he was still talking to me or to himself.
“Absolutely right,” I said, mentally ordering my cock to stop fucking around.
“It shows maturity, a real grasp of knowing what’s important.”
“Yeah, knowing what really matters.” I couldn’t believe Gabe’s voice was making me harder.
“And it’s not like we’re horny teenagers, right?”
“That’s right,” I agreed with him. “Been a long time since I was a teenager, anyway.” Now horny? I was and getting hornier by the second.
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Gabe whipped the covers back and straddled me. “To hell with maturity!” And with that he smashed his mouth down on mine.
Okay, Gabe had a point. Not that I was thinking that right then, you know? I was too busy trying to suck his tongue down my throat to worry much about anything else.
I snaked my arms around his back and pulled him down until he rested on me, although, ‘resting’ wasn’t exactly an accurate description of what either of us was doing, let me tell you.
Gabe squirmed on top of me like he couldn’t get close enough. This was just fine with me and I helped him along by moving my hands down to his perfect ass and, grabbing it, I shoved his groin into mine.
He gasped and raised his head to look at me. “Wait a minute,” Gabe panted. “There’s something I gotta tell you.”
The look he gave me told me that for whatever reason he was terrified. I remember I thought that maybe Gabe had some kind of phobia; that he might be was one of those guys who live in terror of being touched.
***********
Gabriel’s POV
“What is it?”
Vin looked up at me, concerned, and my stomach dropped like on the sudden descent of a roller coaster. There was a light frown crumpling his forehead but he was waiting for me to say whatever I wanted to say and I hesitated, not sure what to do anymore.
On the one hand, I really liked Vin. Hell! I realized with a sudden sick feeling that I was falling in love with him fast, hard and without remission, and I barely knew him! And I was terrified because I had never felt that way before.
My every instinct told me that I had to tell Vin that I was a porno actor; he definitely deserved to know. And I had no doubt that I had to do it before we had sex. At the end, Vin had been pretty honest with me and it would be only fair that I would do the same. Besides, it wouldn’t take Vin much longer to get into my heart and into my soul, and the more time I spent with him the more I realized about how wrong it would be to hide such a crucial fact. Actually, the line was there, echoing within my head, but it seemed lodged in my throat and it was choking the life out of me.
On the other hand, I couldn’t help but feel selfish. Why did I have to tell him? I was not going to marry him. Hell! We probably wouldn’t see each other again after the weekend. Maybe he was just fucking around with me. Karim had said so himself, even if he hadn’t used those words, exactly. Vin hadn’t even bothered to deny what they meant though. Why couldn’t I just enjoy the moment?
“Gabe?”
I blinked, realizing that I had sat up. I was still straddling his hips but, glancing down, I saw that my hard on was gone.
“I -I can’t do this, Vin…I’m sorry…I just…I-” I tried to move but Vin stopped me, gently grabbing my hips.
“Do you remember what I told you when you phoned me?”
I went still, doing my best to remember what he said, but I just couldn’t. I shook my head ‘no’ and Vin chuckled, squeezing my waist.
“I told you that whatever was bothering you that we could work it out together.” He smiled a little and, releasing me, he pushed up, bracing on his elbows. “What is it, Gabe?”
The deep concern his voice carried was only making me feel worse and I wanted to kick myself, but I just couldn’t tell him. I thought I had been ready and I thought that it would be easier but I was wrong.
“There’s something I want to tell you but I don’t think I can do it…not right now.” My voice sounded barely above a whisper and I averted my eyes.
Yeah, I know what you all must be thinking, but what do you want me to tell you? I chickened out.
Vin sighed hard and moved his hands down, placing them on my thighs. “It’s okay, Gabe and it’s not like I’m gonna vanish from one day to the next, you know? You can tell me whatever you feel like it whenever you’re ready.”
His understanding was even worse than his concern. “Vin, it’s not that I don’t trust you.”
“I know, Gabe.” He smiled up, squeezing my thighs softly and then grew serious. “Listen, if someone knows a couple of things about being cautious and reserved, that’s me. So, I’m not expecting for you to trust me with whatever is bothering you just for the hell of it, but I’d like for you to know that I’m here and that I’m not going anywhere.”
That got me; it really did because I knew that Vin meant it. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I smiled down at him and leaned forward, kissing him. He kissed me back but it wasn’t a demanding, lustful kiss, more like a sweet, deep, intense kiss. It stole my breath away and I once more found myself breathing raggedly. Vin’s kisses should come with a warning, just like his voice.
When we finally came apart, because it was that or suffocating for lack of oxygen, we smiled at each other and I, reluctantly, moved, laying next to him.
“You okay?” Vin stroked my hair softly. There was that concern again. “You look kinda tense.”
I took a shaky breath. “I don’t think I can sleep right now,” I admitted. I was tired but I knew that my mind wouldn’t let go anytime soon.
“Roll over, I’m gonna give you a massage.” Vin sat up and nudged my thigh.
I knit a brow at him. “Didn’t know you were a masseur.” I eyed him wryly but obliged, rolling onto my stomach.
He chuckled and moved, straddling my thighs. “That’s me, a surprise package.” I glanced at him over my shoulder and he winked at me. “Now, relax, close your eyes and let yourself go.”
Outing [11]
::OUTING::
Chapter 11
**Present Time**
Gabriel’s POV
“Stop doing that shit, you’re gonna give yourself a stiff neck.”
I frown at Vin but keep craning my neck in all directions at once. “Where are they? I can’t see them.” I’ve been trying to spot Vin’s parents among the people that crowd the terminal but to no avail. There’s no sign of them. “Their flight arrived almost an hour ago! What’s taking them so long?”
I hear Vin chuckling right behind me. “Knowing my mom she packed half the house just in case. I just can see my dad dragging these big ass suitcases of hers across the terminal.” At my disapproving look he knits a brow. “What?”
I shake my head. “No wonder she likes me best.”
“In your dreams.” Vin grins, then looks past me and his grin turns into a huge smile. “There they are.”
“Oh, thank God!” I spin around watching Delora and Irving finally making their way to us. I hate to admit it but Vin was right. Irving is pushing their overloaded trolley in dismay, and just like Vin said it looks like Delora packed half the house even though they’re staying for just the weekend.
“I bet you first thing she says is that you lost weight and demands to know why,” Vin whispers as he moves past me, intercepting Irving before he takes another step in pushing that trolley. I frown at him but don’t have a chance to actually reply ‘and then she’ll say you’re fatter’.
Delora hugs me like only a mom would do, smooching me tenderly and then releases me, eyeing me up and down.
“You’re thinner, Gabriel. Why?”
I know she’s not expecting an answer, not right away, because she hugs me again, tightly, kissing my cheeks.
“You lost at least five pounds.” She shakes her head disapprovingly but there’s tenderness in her voice.
I look at Vin over her shoulder and the fucker is grinning smugly as he is hugged by Irving. Vin’s smug grin however vanishes in one second, as soon as Delora turns to him, without letting go of me.
“And I see you found them.”
Now it’s my turn to grin because I know what comes next.
“Mom!” Vin groans, releasing Irving.
“Well, it’s true, honey, but I love you all the same.” Delora kisses him and then she hugs him tightly, rubbing his back.
“Don’t mind her, you two look fabulous,” Irving whispers in a conspiratorial tone of voice as he hugs me and it makes me giggle.
I still remember the very first time Vin’s dad took me aside to have what Vin called a ‘man to man chat’ with him. Irving didn’t beat about the bush though and asked me what my intentions were concerning Vin.
I sucked in a breath and working out the words I replied ‘sir, my intention is to make your son so happy that he doesn’t have time to come to his senses and dump me’.
At my words, Irving blinked and, flashing me a brilliant smile, he pulled me to him, hugging me tightly and said ‘welcome to the family, son.’
“How you doing, Gabriel?” Irving cups my face, squeezing my hand.
“Now, I’m doing great, dad. I’ve missed the hell out of you both.”
“Watch your mouth, Gabi, or I’ll have to spank you.” Delora chides me but the humor in her voice is impossible to miss.
“Why is that he always getting the larger straw?” Vin complains even though he’s grinning.
“Told you, dear, she likes me best.”
“In your dreams, darling.”
“Oh, you two are impossible.” Delora shakes her head but her radiant smile brightens the entire terminal.
We finally make our way to the parking lot, chatting about this and that until we all get in the SUV. Vin’s at the wheel with Irving at his side, Delora and I in the back seat.
“Oh, I made you cheesecake, Gabi.” She squeezes my hand.
“Don’t tell me you hauled a cheese cake from NY?” I blink shocked.
“Of course,” Delora replies like it’s the most natural thing in the world to do. She knows how much I love her cheesecake.
“We figured you’d be a step away from going insane worrying about tonight,” Irving adds.
“So I said to myself ‘what could I do to make my Gabi feel better?’” Delora continues.
“His mom’s famous cheesecake,” I answer and she nods, her eyes full of love, understanding and joy.
Vin loves to tease Val, saying that he’s my ‘mommy’, but the only mother I’ve known is Delora, and it doesn’t really matter if I found her just six years ago. She reprimands me, encourages me, understands me and loves me just as much as she does Vin. In fact, she doesn’t make differences between us, nor does Irving. I even get what she calls ‘love taps’ if she thinks I deserve them. Blood laces don’t mean shit in this family.
All the tension and the nervousness I’ve been building up over the last days that I wasn’t even aware of finally seem to take its toll on me and, next thing I know, I’m crying like a little kid.
“Shhhhh, it’s okay, Gabi,” Delora pulls me to her and rocks me gently as she starts stroking my back and my hair, soothing me. “Mom’s here now, and everything is going to be okay.”
Unable to stop, I continue to cry, soaking her blouse. Damned it all but I do believe her. Now, that she’s here, that Irving is here, I know everything will go great.
It takes me a few minutes to compose myself, although I see no reason to take my head away from the comfort of her breast. Delora doesn’t mind, of course, and we sat there, tied together in that unfathomable bond mothers have had with their children since forever.
******
**Past Time**
((Six years before))
Gabriel’s POV
By the time we reached the house I had cooled off and Vin’s words had to do with it, partly at least. To figure out where to go from here meant that we were heading somewhere; that whatever we had going on wasn’t just a ‘one time’ deal, and it was a scary thought. However, there was another thing that concerned me as much as Vin’s words did, if not more. I had yet to tell him that I was a porno actor and I had no idea how I would bring up the subject, exactly.
It concerned me what Vin might think of me after finding that out. I knew that what Max had said about Vin ‘being fond of people in the porno business’ wasn’t bullshit and yet something told me that Vin wouldn’t be bouncing up and down when he knew how I had been paying my bills, exactly.
“You hungry?”
I blinked, confused at Vin’s question until my stomach rumbled loudly. A reminder of other bodily functions that needed to be taken care of. All in all, I was familiar with the sensation of living on an empty stomach but it had stopped bothering me years ago. When you grow up on the streets you learn to ignore it.
“No, I’m okay.” And just to contradict my words my stomach rumbled again, louder than before.
“Yeah, sure,” Vin snorted. “I’ll fix you something in a minute, gotta pee first.”
“It’s not necessary, Vin, really, I’m oka-”
His mouth on mine shut me up and I just went with it. It was then when I started to suspect that Vin would do whatever he considered he had to do whether I agreed or not.
Just when I was getting into the kiss, he let go of me and pointed to the kitchen. “Wait for me there, I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Okay,” I replied as I watched him entering a small bathroom at the right side of the foyer, closing the door at his back.
I smiled a little and headed towards the kitchen, thinking that it was sweet of him to want to feed me, to take care of me. It was a comforting feeling that I welcomed with open arms, mostly because I had never had anyone doing something like that for me.
Nevertheless, as soon as I entered the kitchen I saw Karim leaned against the countertop and my mood changed in one second flat. He was in a pair of boxers, sipping from a cup of coffee and had looked totally at ease until I stood at the door frame, as though frozen in place.
“Still around I see.” The flash of pain in his eyes didn’t match the hostility his voice carried and that he didn’t even try to hide. It reminded me of who he was and why he was there.
The night before, Karim had acted as though he owned the place because that was what he did, exactly; he lived there with Vin. It was his house too and it was only then when it struck me what I was doing; what Vin and I were doing. If he and Karim had been a married couple, I would have been the ‘mistress’ and Vin was shamelessly parading me in front of him.
“It’s not what you think,” I lamely found myself blurting and even I cringed inwardly at my own words; they couldn’t have been more inappropriate. No wonder Karim snorted out loud.
“I don’t care,” he said casually but threw the rest of his coffee in the sink, as though my mere presence turned his stomach, making him sick. “My advice; enjoy it while it lasts, boy.” And with that he proudly lifted his head and, pushing past me, he exited the kitchen.
I stared at his retreating back, feeling not only like the biggest piece of shit but also small. I wasn’t even hungry anymore, in fact even my stomach agreed with me and stopped rumbling.
His words echoed in my head and I became painfully aware of the hidden meaning behind them. Karim had gone through the same shit so many times that he no longer seemed to care, and even though it was clear that it hurt him, there he was, putting up with Vin’s bullshit.
Of course, back then I still didn’t know why, but it wouldn’t be much longer until I found the reality behind the Vin/Karim relationship and the reason why even though there was Paloma, Hania and soon Elan too, Karim had always been there as well.
“Yo, bro, remember that there’s no cleaning crew ’till Monday.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, now get lost.”
The sound of the two male voices that I recognized as Val’s and Dave’s pulled me out of my thoughts. It was then when I saw Valentino as he slid closed the door of the salon. Then heard what sounded like giggles coming from the room he had just left. The huge goofy grin spread on his lips along with the marks on his back told me that he and some chick had had a lot of fun.
“Hey, morning, Gabriel.” Val tapped my shoulder and moved past me. “How you doing, man?” His cheerful tone of voice made me smile a little.
I was about to answer him when the door of the salon slid open again and a naked blonde girl showed up. She waved at me, smiling, and padded towards the bathroom Vin had entered, trying to open the door.
“Whoever is in there let me in. Gotta pee!” She knocked repeatedly, working the handle.
A moment later, the door opened and Vin stepped out, moving to one side, leaving room for her to enter with a chivalrous gesture. “Morning, beautiful, all yours.”
That caused the girl to laugh and then she tiptoed on her feet, kissing him hungrily.
In response, Vin kissed her back and even pinched her butt, chuckling when she yelped in surprise just to giggle.
“I’ll make you pay for that, Diesel,” she seductively purred as she rubbed herself against him.
“Promises, promises…” Vin growled.
She kissed him again and entered the bathroom, closing and locking the door at her back. I was finding it hard to squash down the sudden pang of jealousy I felt at their little back and forth until I saw Vin doing something that caused my chest to tighten painfully.
Roughly, he cleaned his lips with the back of his hand and, hanging his head down, he muttered a curse. Vin looked like he was carrying the weight of the world upon his shoulders. Then he leaned against the wall, shaking his head, as though pulling himself together and, pinching the bridge of his nose, he once more swore softly.
It made my heart hurt to see him; he looked so miserable…so unhappy…I reminded myself that he had yet to leave the safety of his closet, that he still had to pretend, and it was even more painful to see because he was in his own house.
As though Vin could sense me staring at him, he lifted his head and offered me a small smile.
“What happened to your back, Morales?” He finally headed towards the kitchen. “Did you get into a fight with a wild cat?” His voice sounded even, and I even dare to say cool, but his gaze betrayed him.
“More like a pussycat.” Val finished fixing himself a sandwich and looked at Vin over his shoulder. Val had been standing with his back to the door but I knew by the way his eyes narrowed that without even watching what had happened, he just knew. “You okay, bro?”
Vin nodded and glanced at me. “I’ll be.” He looked tense but the small smile was still there.
“Good.” Val mimicked Vin’s smile.
“Where’s Dave and the others?” Vin opened the cooler, pulling out a pitcher with what look like orange juice, setting it on the countertop.
“Dave’s in the salon with Veronica and that blonde chick…can’t remember her name now. Gordon left a couple of hours ago, something about taking his mom to go shopping and George is…” Val shrugged his broad shoulders. “Don’t know where he is, exactly, around I guess.” As Val updated Vin, he poured himself a tall glass of orange juice from the pitcher and took a seat at one of the tall stools.
“Dave better not make a mess, there’s no cleaning crew ’till Monday.” Vin moved past me, his arm brushing softly against mine.
“He knows, I told him.” Val sipped from his orange juice.
Vin nodded approvingly and then frowned at Val’s bloody marks. “You should get someone to take a look at that shit.”
Val glanced at his back over his shoulder, frowning a little himself. “Nah, it’s okay, I’ve had worse,” he chuckled then grinned. “Man, that chick’s mouth was like a vacuum.”
At that Vin smirked.
I looked back and forth between them, disconcerted at their conversation until I noticed that Vin had visibly relaxed.
Small conversation; meant as much as a distraction as to ease the invisible tension. It worked though.
“What do you feel like eating, Gabe?” Vin’s smirk died on his lips in one second flat however, surely the look on my face was to blame. “You okay?” He stood in front of me, stroking my arm up and down. “Gabe, what’s wrong?”
I glanced at Val and found him looking at me, concerned. Then I returned my attention to Vin. “Nothing’s wrong,” I lied.
“Yeah, sure.” Vin narrowed his eyes doubtfully, “Come on, what’s up? You looked fine ten minutes ago.”
Yeah, well, ten minutes ago I hadn’t run into Karim. And ten minutes ago I hadn’t witnessed how he had put on a show for that chick so she wouldn’t out him.
“Gabriel’s just tired, right?” Val said around a mouthful of his sandwich. “You kept him up all night, you fucker. No wonder he’s-.”
Vin interrupted him. “It’s not that.”
To be honest, I felt exhausted but that wasn’t enough to upset me. Now Karim’s words and watching Vin, feeling so miserable and unhappy…that was what was eating at me and I didn’t even dare to ask him. And who was I to ask, anyway? I had never known what it meant to be in the closet nor had had to pretend I was someone I wasn’t.
Slowly, Vin rested his hands on my hips and pinned me with that gaze of his, the one that told me that he could see what I was thinking. “It’s Karim. Did you run into him?”
Well, he had hit the mark, if partially. Of the two subjects that bothered me that one felt easier to deal with. I nodded.
“Coño…” Val whispered under his breath and, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him as he picked up what was left of his sandwich and sneaked away, out of the kitchen, leaving us alone.
“What did he say?” Vin’s voice sounded cold and hard but he looked anxious; as though he was terrified of what I would say. I couldn’t avert my eyes from his even if my life depended on it.
“That he didn’t care whatever we had going on and to enjoy it while it lasted,” I got out barely above a whisper.
Vin let out a heavy sigh and the pained look in his eyes told me that he didn’t even know what to say at that. And yet, he didn’t even try to deny the implied meaning behind Karim’s words. That led me to fear that maybe whatever we had going on wouldn’t last long; maybe it would end up being a ‘one time’ deal after all.
It was then when I understood what Vin had meant by saying that his life was complicated.
There were like a lot of people in it and they all had somehow found a way to co-exist together. Paloma and Hania, Karim, Vin’s friends that looked more like family…all of them seemed to know where they fit, all of them but me. I wasn’t sure if there would be a place for me or if I would fit, and worse, I didn’t even know if I really wanted to.
And that wasn’t all. He was a closeted bisexual; people may suspect but they didn’t know for sure. It was pretty clear to me that Vin wouldn’t leave the safety of his closet for the hell of it either. It would be a huge risk I knew he was not ready to face, maybe would never be. It was indeed damned complicated.
I once more felt the urge to run away, to walk out of Vin’s life before he had the chance to break my heart, just as Max had predicted. However, let me tell you that in spite of the fact that I saw the warning sign screaming at me to get out of there as fast as I could, I just did exactly the opposite, because, you see, I had already fallen in love with Vin.
I lift a hand, stroking his stubbled cheek. It surprised me a little when Vin closed his eyes and turned his face into my caress, like a big cat. “Complicated,” I found myself whispering.
Vin chuckled sadly and opened his eyes, staring at mine. “Do you want to leave?”
“Yes. No,” I groaned. “I don’t know.”
Vin gave me a funny look and I had to grin. Yeah, I didn’t even know what I wanted to do. Big surprise there, eh? But I knew one thing that I definitely didn’t want to do.
“I’m damned tired and I want to stay…but I don’t want to sleep in the same bed that you and…” I trailed off and Vin nodded in understanding.
“It’s a new bed, I bought it a couple of weeks ago, right before Paloma came for her checkup. Karim had never slept-”
I interrupted him. “Is that true?”
He nodded. “I slept with Paloma in it though, I’ll tell you that straight up.”
“I like Paloma; she was really nice to me.”
That got me a wicked grin. “Tell you a secret; she thinks you’re a hottie.”
“Really?” It didn’t surprise me that much. I mean, we had been talking about her so I guessed that it was only fair that they had done the same. In fact, I liked to know that Vin had been talking about me with Paloma.
Vin nodded. “Anyway, I want for you to know that there are two more bedrooms apart from Hania’s. You can crash in any of them, if you want.”
I knew Vin was giving me a way out but I had already decided I didn’t want it. “It’s okay, I can crash with you, if you want.”
Vin chuckled and gave me a ‘duh’ look. “You still hungry?”
I sighed hard. I was, but I didn’t think I could eat. Now, sleeping? That sounded like a plan, and I don’t care what you all may be thinking about me, but in spite of what had happened and the awkwardness of the situation, well, I wanted to sleep with him. Sue me.
“I’d rather get some sleep first.”
Vin smiled a little and leaned forward, kissing my lips softly, just a peck. Then tilted his head back to meet my eyes. “You sure you want to sleep with me?”
I had never been more sure about anything. I nodded. “Yeah.”
His lips curved into a small cocky grin for second. “Just sleeping though.”
That made me laugh. “Yeah, just sleeping.”
*********
Vin’s POV
I deliberately turned my back to Gabe, providing him a bit of privacy and walked over to my closet. I stripped to my boxers, but stopped there.
You have to know that we normally sleep naked, except if the kids are staying with us; they always showed up, out of nowhere, jumping on our bed, waking us up.
Back then I wasn’t sure about what to do exactly because I didn’t know if Gabe slept naked or not.
To be honest, I wanted nothing more than to feel his skin against mine but suspected that maybe Gabe wouldn’t feel comfortable. I mean, we had agreed on sleeping together, just sleeping, and we had also agreed to take it easy, but something was bothering Gabe and I had yet to figure out what it was.
I turned to see how he was doing and found Gabe standing there in his jeans and I knew right away that he was thinking the same thing I was thinking.
So okay, maybe we weren’t ready yet for the big event, but we sure as shit could check each other out. After all, it wasn’t like I hadn’t seen Gabe’s body before and yet hadn’t been able to really look at him. But now, here he was, standing right in front of me, and finally I got a good look at the man I’d fantasized about from the minute I saw him.
There wasn’t an extra ounce of fat on his body yet he wasn’t skinny like Karim, but lean and toned. Well defined muscles, hairless chest and olive skin.
My eyes followed the length of his legs to his long narrow feet and toes and then they reversed and covered the same ground until they stopped at the top of his thighs. He had quite a bulge there, and it stretched and weighed down the fabric of his jeans. As I looked I could see a twitch and I thought I noticed a thickening of the shaft, the outline plainly visible under the worn fabric. He was going commando.
I forced myself to stop from licking my lips and turned my eyes back to his face. He was blushing. I was making him uncomfortable, or that was what I thought until I realized that Gabe had been too busy looking at me to notice my stare.
His eyes flickered up and down my torso, and when they lingered on the bulge my boxers showed, my cock stirred, as though waving ‘hi’. ‘Little Diesel’ had always known when he was being admired.
All in all I felt my cheeks heating up because, unlike Gabe, I had gained a few pounds over the last weeks. I always did when I wasn’t shooting a movie. Lately, I had been skipping my daily workout and now I was regretting it. You have no idea how much. The new weight had settled over my belly. Thank God, the rest of me still looked toned and pretty fit.
Anyway, I was promising myself that I would start my work out on Monday when Gabe interrupted my thoughts.
“Which side of the bed should I take?”
“Huh? Oh,” I finally focused on his question. “I usually sleep on the right side. That okay with you?”
Well, at least one of us was thinking practical thoughts.
“Sure,” Gabe replied, and walked over to the left side. He hesitated for a few seconds, as though making up his mind and then he shoved down his jeans, pulled down the covers, and scooted in.
I watched as he did this and it suddenly hit me. This was Gabe in my bed. I mean, in my bed! Right there, sprawled out underneath my silk sheets! And naked!! And I had just told him that I thought it was a good idea that we get some sleep. Was I out of my fucking mind?
Doing my best to remain calm, I walked to the windows and slid the curtains closed, bathing the room in shadows. The sun was shining, but it wasn’t even 10am. Taking a deep breath, I slowly walked over and sat down on the bed. I could feel Gabe’s eyes burning into my back. I didn’t even have the darkness to try and convince myself that the lump next to me wasn’t Gabe, the guy I’d been lusting after since the minute I saw him at Gordon’s birthday party.
Shit, I thought, this was torture! I wasn’t even tired anymore. But, as I swung my legs around and got under the covers, I reminded myself that I was going to keep my word. God knows how, but I was going to try.
We lay next to each other, not touching, not saying anything, and barely breathing, if I tell you the truth. I didn’t know about Gabe, but to my way of thinking, this was going to turn into a long ass nap.
My head and my heart knew without a doubt that this was absolutely the right thing to do; I just wished my cock felt the same way. It was as hard as a baseball bat, and it was pointing directly at Gabe’s face, as though showing me exactly where it should be right now. And frankly, I thought ‘what a waste’ because, you know, it wasn’t every day that my cock felt as though it was made of steel.
“Vin?” The sound of my name on his lips made my heart skip a beat.
“Uh-huh.”
“I think this is a good idea.”
“What?” I mumbled.
“Uh,” he seemed to be searching for the right words. “You know… us not rushing things.”
“Sure.”
“I mean…” he continued. “It’s not like we don’t have time, right?” I wasn’t sure if he was still talking to me or to himself.
“Absolutely right,” I said, mentally ordering my cock to stop fucking around.
“It shows maturity, a real grasp of knowing what’s important.”
“Yeah, knowing what really matters.” I couldn’t believe Gabe’s voice was making me harder.
“And it’s not like we’re horny teenagers, right?”
“That’s right,” I agreed with him. “Been a long time since I was a teenager, anyway.” Now horny? I was and getting hornier by the second.
“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Gabe whipped the covers back and straddled me. “To hell with maturity!” And with that he smashed his mouth down on mine.
Okay, Gabe had a point. Not that I was thinking that right then, you know? I was too busy trying to suck his tongue down my throat to worry much about anything else.
I snaked my arms around his back and pulled him down until he rested on me, although, ‘resting’ wasn’t exactly an accurate description of what either of us was doing, let me tell you.
Gabe squirmed on top of me like he couldn’t get close enough. This was just fine with me and I helped him along by moving my hands down to his perfect ass and, grabbing it, I shoved his groin into mine.
He gasped and raised his head to look at me. “Wait a minute,” Gabe panted. “There’s something I gotta tell you.”
The look he gave me told me that for whatever reason he was terrified. I remember I thought that maybe Gabe had some kind of phobia; that he might be was one of those guys who live in terror of being touched.
***********
Gabriel’s POV
“What is it?”
Vin looked up at me, concerned, and my stomach dropped like on the sudden descent of a roller coaster. There was a light frown crumpling his forehead but he was waiting for me to say whatever I wanted to say and I hesitated, not sure what to do anymore.
On the one hand, I really liked Vin. Hell! I realized with a sudden sick feeling that I was falling in love with him fast, hard and without remission, and I barely knew him! And I was terrified because I had never felt that way before.
My every instinct told me that I had to tell Vin that I was a porno actor; he definitely deserved to know. And I had no doubt that I had to do it before we had sex. At the end, Vin had been pretty honest with me and it would be only fair that I would do the same. Besides, it wouldn’t take Vin much longer to get into my heart and into my soul, and the more time I spent with him the more I realized about how wrong it would be to hide such a crucial fact. Actually, the line was there, echoing within my head, but it seemed lodged in my throat and it was choking the life out of me.
On the other hand, I couldn’t help but feel selfish. Why did I have to tell him? I was not going to marry him. Hell! We probably wouldn’t see each other again after the weekend. Maybe he was just fucking around with me. Karim had said so himself, even if he hadn’t used those words, exactly. Vin hadn’t even bothered to deny what they meant though. Why couldn’t I just enjoy the moment?
“Gabe?”
I blinked, realizing that I had sat up. I was still straddling his hips but, glancing down, I saw that my hard on was gone.
“I -I can’t do this, Vin…I’m sorry…I just…I-” I tried to move but Vin stopped me, gently grabbing my hips.
“Do you remember what I told you when you phoned me?”
I went still, doing my best to remember what he said, but I just couldn’t. I shook my head ‘no’ and Vin chuckled, squeezing my waist.
“I told you that whatever was bothering you that we could work it out together.” He smiled a little and, releasing me, he pushed up, bracing on his elbows. “What is it, Gabe?”
The deep concern his voice carried was only making me feel worse and I wanted to kick myself, but I just couldn’t tell him. I thought I had been ready and I thought that it would be easier but I was wrong.
“There’s something I want to tell you but I don’t think I can do it…not right now.” My voice sounded barely above a whisper and I averted my eyes.
Yeah, I know what you all must be thinking, but what do you want me to tell you? I chickened out.
Vin sighed hard and moved his hands down, placing them on my thighs. “It’s okay, Gabe and it’s not like I’m gonna vanish from one day to the next, you know? You can tell me whatever you feel like it whenever you’re ready.”
His understanding was even worse than his concern. “Vin, it’s not that I don’t trust you.”
“I know, Gabe.” He smiled up, squeezing my thighs softly and then grew serious. “Listen, if someone knows a couple of things about being cautious and reserved, that’s me. So, I’m not expecting for you to trust me with whatever is bothering you just for the hell of it, but I’d like for you to know that I’m here and that I’m not going anywhere.”
That got me; it really did because I knew that Vin meant it. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I smiled down at him and leaned forward, kissing him. He kissed me back but it wasn’t a demanding, lustful kiss, more like a sweet, deep, intense kiss. It stole my breath away and I once more found myself breathing raggedly. Vin’s kisses should come with a warning, just like his voice.
When we finally came apart, because it was that or suffocating for lack of oxygen, we smiled at each other and I, reluctantly, moved, laying next to him.
“You okay?” Vin stroked my hair softly. There was that concern again. “You look kinda tense.”
I took a shaky breath. “I don’t think I can sleep right now,” I admitted. I was tired but I knew that my mind wouldn’t let go anytime soon.
“Roll over, I’m gonna give you a massage.” Vin sat up and nudged my thigh.
I knit a brow at him. “Didn’t know you were a masseur.” I eyed him wryly but obliged, rolling onto my stomach.
He chuckled and moved, straddling my thighs. “That’s me, a surprise package.” I glanced at him over my shoulder and he winked at me. “Now, relax, close your eyes and let yourself go.”