I have to admit, the stolen sex toys is what caught my eye at first and then…well, gee, where to go from there? Wild boar’s head? That must be a little harder than a towel or a dildo to smuggle out.

Giggle check: Hotel du Vin. Come on, you know you all thought of that certain special Vin when you read that, didn’t you? They’d probably sell a hell of a lot of those rental vibrators in that place

Which brings me to rental toys. Some shit you just don’t rent. “Slightly used vibrator”? How do they clean them? I know that there are linen services that come and collect all a hotel’s sheets and towels but who would you get to come pick up all the sex toys? Can you see all the lovely jelly lovelies bobbing around in a big old vat of soapy water somewhere?

I’m torn between giggling and cringing (that’s not a good look, if you’re wondering)…

Sex toys, light fixtures taken from hotels

BIRMINGHAM, England, Sept. 23 (UPI) — British hotels said items taken by guests during the past year include towels, toiletries, light fixtures, sex toys and a stuffed wild boar’s head.

Officials at the Hotel du Vin in Birmingham, England, told The Daily Telegraph a drunken guest attempted to take a stuffed boar’s head from a billiard room.

“He was rather embarrassed and worse-for-wear,” hotel manager Adam Thompson said. “A few weeks later some of his friends came back and bought the object from us as a wedding present for him — we donated the money to charity.”

The Residence in Bath, England, which until recently offered sex toys for rent to guests, said patrons would often walk off with the items.

“Beyond the usual things, such as shampoos and bath towels, the most frequently stolen items were our sex toys,” a staff member said.

“I would call them up to explain that they had been caught taking them without paying,” she added. “A pregnant pause would inevitably follow.”

Another Bath hotel said guest took a light fixture from the floor while several hotels across Britain reported stolen towels, toiletries and linens.