HELLO BEAUTIFUL

Chapter 2

Snake is locked in the hole, placed in solitary confinement. Not even 24 hours has passed and the bets are 2/1

Almost everybody here is waiting for our encounter when he’s released. They’re expecting me to beat the shit out of the fucker or vice versa. This time, more than ever before, it seems that the rest of the inmates of this block don’t know who will rise victorious.

Two big guys face to face in a place like this, it’s not a joke and they are already expecting to have a hell of a show. I even heard bets about not only who will kill the other, but when and where.

I have to be hallucinating because this is not only a bizarre nightmare, it’s just fucking crazy.

They even are betting about what I will use. It’s amazing me how common things I use everyday for their specific aim, can turn into a skilled weapon against another human being. Knifes, forks, spoons, pens, dumbbells,…  In the hands of a desperate man who’s fighting for his life, scared and high on adrenaline can not only cause a hell of damage, but also kill.

Sorry, fuckers, there won’t be a show. I’m not going to kill Snake in retaliation just because the bastard killed the kid. If I have no other choice, I’ll fight against him, but I don’t like the idea. Not because I’m scared of him, but because I’m not going to add one more single day to my sentence.

A year ago, before my incarceration, maybe the things would have been different, and I would have beat that fucker within an inch of his life without a second thought, but now…. That’s not my fight. Not anymore. Now I don’t want to spend any more days than the ones I’m already sentenced with. I appreciated the kid and I’m going to miss his prattling and even his smart mouth, but I’m not going to fuck up my life any more than it already is. Even in my actual situation I would love to screw with Snake for what he did to Marcus, the kid, but I can’t do it because I can’t forget that Mia is outside alone and she needs me.

In this surreal world, the word ‘friendship’ between inmates and among them doesn’t have exactly the same meaning as for the rest of the people outside in the ‘real world’.

Another thing I have learned inside these walls is that friendship is ephemeral and sometimes it might even mean a sign of weakness. It can give others inmates chances to use it for themselves if they feel like it. It might turn into a weapon that ends up backfiring.

I never relax completely, it’s too risky, it might end up in death. I never leave my guard down completely because I never know for sure if I can trust the man sitting at my side. It’s not an easy task to trust in other people outside and it’s no different here, quite the opposite, it’s even harder.

There’s no such a thing as loyalty and the respect you gain is a direct consequence of fear or the lack of it.

It’s almost scary if I think about it for more than two seconds. I realize that things I always thought untouchable, such as loyalty, respect, comradeship, friendship… are suddenly questionable matters. They are no longer universal truths and more like a point of view.

It’s difficult to keep my principles when at every turn I’m forced to restate them according to who is sitting at my side at that very moment or if I want to survive.

And I know it’s not that I’m going insane, it’s this fucking place, it’s good for one single purpose: to dehumanize, to turn a common man into a heartless cold bastard. This place, Lompoc or any other prison, no matter their nature,  is designed to tear apart souls. It really doesn’t matter too much if I was a good person or a bad person before I crossed the security perimeter of this Federal prison, becoming an inmate. It’s a reality, if a bizarre one.

Here in Lompoc, inside these fucking walls, I’m not going to learn shit about cars that I don’t already know, but it’s an undeniable fact that I can learn a hell of a lot of things about other matters. Anyone can learn anything about anything.

If I’m a thief, here I can improve my skills; if I’m a murderer, my methods, and I can go on and on because the list is large enough to spend years.  It’s just like high school or the university. Anybody ends up obtaining a degree in how to become better in whatever brought them here in first place, and to avoid being caught the next time because sure as hell there’ll be a next time.

The stats say that around the 80% of the inmates will commit a new crime within the first year of being released, and the percentage  isn’t much different in the following years. Hell, I have no other choice but to agree with the damn stats. I didn’t commit a crime within the first year of being released the first time, but I did it a few years later.

I wonder if this fucking place is dehumanizing me, turning me a heartless cold bastard because I’m not going to fight against Snake in retaliation just because he killed a kid who I did really appreciate and certainly I’ll miss.

I always considered myself a good person. Ok, I’m not a candidate to sainthood, not that I pretend it neither, but I was a caring person. I cared for my team, I care for Mia and  I even care for William. I always respect other people and I didn’t go around asking for trouble. But, I always ended up having them.

My self control issues weren’t helping either. I sure as hell beat the crap out of some assholes who were walking around, shitting with me or my team, and I sent a few of them to the hospital a too. Toretto wasn’t a man to mess with. But I never killed anybody. Ok, I almost killed that fucker responsible for my dad’s accident, but I didn’t and that’s the point here.

It’s true that my team and myself were stealing trucks loaded with all kind of shit. I had a contact at the dock of the port that used to phone me as soon as a new truck with an interesting load left the docking area, giving me all the intell available about its route and destination. In exchange, I was giving him a good cut and he was keeping his eyes open and his mouth shut.

The drivers never were hurt. Sure as hell they ended with  more than just a fucking painful headache because the tranquilizer darts, but that was all. Never, not even once, were those truck drivers injured beyond a couple of bruises. Apart from that fact, the load was covered by the transport company’s insurance. No big deal. Damages and losses were minimum and, in any case, they always could get their investment back.

Our method was perfect because of our skills. We could do things with cars that nobody else could. I can still drive a car like nobody’s business, not to mention racing. That’s a thing that once you learn it, you never forget it. It’s all a matter of practice. Well, that and a pair of balls, endless amount of calmness and nerves made of steel.

At the end, it was all a matter of concentration, coordination and cooperation. Just a perfect machine in which each piece of the gear had its own function and all together it worked. Exactly like with my team. Each member was assigned a mission and all together made possible to reach our goal. Maximum benefits, minimum risks.

Did I expect to be caught? Not in a millions years, but I wasn’t expecting to meet Hanna either and here I am as a direct consequence of that fact.

I let out a heavy sigh as I reached for the magazine, opening the double page, looking at the picture of my car.

I can’t help but a slight grin graces my lips when I remember Hanna blushing slightly, admitting she didn’t know shit about cars, even joking, adding that probably she wouldn’t be able to distinguish between a Porsche and a Mercedes.

I even remember her exact words to me the day I arranged an appointment with her to talk about the pictures of my car and how the magazine wanted to launch a special edition, including pictures of unique models. Just exclusive cars with their own soul and spirit.

“I have an instinct concerning class and style and, definitively, Dominic’s car has class and style, just like his owner.”

I remember perfectly how I forced myself to give her a second deep look and for the life of me that back then I couldn’t find anything special or unique in Hanna beyond her eyes. Those beautiful green eyes with grayish sparks around the pupils.

I shut my eyes and force myself to think about any other thing instead of Hanna, but I already know that I’m only delaying the  inevitable reality, fooling myself because tonight, like the last night and the previous ones, I’m going to be thinking about her no matter how hard I try to not think. I can’t shut my brain off.

However, today is Saturday, visitors day, and I’m already excited because I’m going to see Mia and we are going to talk face to face and not only by phone. Mia will arrive at 3pm, and William is coming this morning, any time now.

William has been calling me for the last three days, trying to make me change my mind about the fucking deal with the FBI. Our conversations on the phone weren’t monitored for obvious reasons and each and every time my answer has been the same. No. I’m not listening to the deal. Whatever it is, if it’s linked in some way with the FBI, I’m not listening to that shit.

The guard comes to look for me. It seems that William is already here.

As I walk I narrow my eyes in suspicion because I’m almost sure that William is bringing a printed copy of the deal with him. I sure as hell hope he’s not expecting for me to sign it because I’m not signing shit.

We come to a stop in front of the door and the guard pressed a code opening the door lock, he then pushed it and moves back a step, making room for me to enter. As soon as I do it, the guard closes the door at my back.

William is sitting at the table and he’s not alone. Two more guys are inside of the room and even though they are dressed in casual clothes and not in their usual suits, I know who these two fuckers are. The FBI.

I feel my blood boiling inside of my veins. I feel betrayed. William knows me a little and just a look at my eyes and he knows what I’m thinking right now, but he just shrugs his shoulders, this isn’t about him or me right now. He only cares about my own good and he’s sure he’s doing the right thing even if I do not share his opinion.

I know what is coming. First it will be the nice words, then the threats will begin. I’m not buying, but I take a seat at the table, tightening my jaw and closing my hands in fists. I’m going to play cool because I know the rules. These fuckers are trained to make me sign anything, but they don’t know who they are dealing with. This place might start dehumanizing me but I still have principles, if my own ones. Whatever it is, I’m not buying.

I listen to the deal, forcing myself to keep my attention focused on each and every single detail even though I have this bad feeling, wrapped around my stomach and it’s a painful knot that it’s almost cutting my breath off.

The first part sounds great, more than just  great, sound amazing, fucking amazing.

I’ll be out after I fulfill my part of the deal and my criminal records will be erased, vanished like they never existed. They can do those kind of things. They are the FBI, the fucking FBI, they’re not shitting around with me. They know, William knows and I know it.

I won’t be living on parole, I’ll get my freedom. I’ll be free. I’ll be a free man.

I inhale deeply through my nose, exhaling slowly, feeling my hot breath caressing my lips. I can’t breath through my mouth. My jaw is clenched so tightly that my neck muscles are painfully tensed, and I can’t even make the air pass to my lungs.

I close my eyes for a couple of seconds while I’m picturing in images what they are describing with words. How my life will be once I’m done with my part.

I will be able to race my car again, feeling in those ten seconds or less that I’m alive. I will be able to phone, write and visit whoever the hell I want. I will be able to shake hands, embrace and kiss as many times as I feel like it. I will be able to have all the books, magazines, clothes, shoes and jewelry I can pay for. I will be able to spend as much time as I need to talk with my sister Mia. I will be able to fuck every single chick who crosses paths with me.

I will be able to get my life back. I won’t be anymore Dominic Alfredo Toretto, inmate number 25710290; I will be able to be Dominic Alfredo Toretto, a free man.

It’s sounds great, more than just great, it sounds amazing; fucking amazing.

But… there’s always a fucking ‘but’, I have to give them something in exchange.

Of course, if not it wouldn’t be a deal.  And it’s not any old shit that they want, no way, no fucking way. It’s much more than I suspected when I entered the visiting room. I should have known  that the FBI never asks for shit.

Well, in fact it’s not what they want, it’s more who they want.

Reynaldo Casamajor.

A name I never expected to hear again in all my damn life. A man I never wanted to cross paths with again. An old ‘friend’ I thought I had buried along with my wildest adolescent years. Dark years full of drugs, hard sex and easy money.

Reynaldo Casamajor never sleeps in the same place twice and he doesn’t trust anybody. No exceptions. Two unshakeable rules that make him an almost untouchable motherfucker. A sick bastard that leads his life according to two single  principles: shoot first, ask questions later and never leave your enemy alive. That alone is enough to send shivers up my spine because the fucker considers that if you’re not his friend, then you’re his enemy, and he has no friends.

The FBI is after Reynaldo Casamajor. Fuck! Good luck, motherfuckers, ‘cause I’m not going there again. No fucking way. I haven’t got a death wish.

They play hard and put, in their own words, all their cards on the table. I’m still not buying, much less after hearing what they had to say. I have a really bad feeling about the deal and I wasn’t wrong.

I look at William and I don’t need to say a single word. The answer is really obvious.

No.

William doesn’t know the details of my past relation with Reynaldo. My dad never suspected how deep I was in that shit, so he never was able to go into specifics. There are only two people who know about it. Vince and Hanna. Vince is dead and Hanna….

I know what is coming next, and still I’m not going to buy. Nice words are over and the threats begin.

What is the worst thing they can do to me? I’m already an inmate locked in Lompoc, it can’t get much worse than that. I know I’m jeopardizing my possibilities to get my parole. It means that I might as well start to get used to the idea that I’m going to spend three more years inside these fucking walls, living inside of this fucking hell surrounded by fuckers like Snake.

I can hear my parole jumping through the window, weaving at me, saying ‘good bye, buddy’ because when I’m able to apply for it, the District Attorney won’t forget I refused to cooperate with the FBI, so consequently I’m going to serve my whole sentence.

I shrug my shoulders. Fuck you. I’m still not buying and they start to be pissed off  because they can’t get me to do what they so desperately need. Fuck them. I’m not a rat. I never was and I’m not going to start now. No matter how desperate, powerless and hopeless I may be able to feel. I’m not a fucking rat.

But the fuckers just won’t give up that easily and they talk about my conditions inside of Lompoc and about the more than certain fact that I’m going to be moved to another cell block where all the real dangerous scum is locked. Where even Snake might be considered an annoying brat,  not to mention the fact that taking a look at the vehicles in the prison won’t be an option for me anymore. Fuck them. I’m still not signing the fucking deal. I’m not a fucking rat.

William shakes his head. He’s pissed off but not with me anymore. He’s pissed off with these fuckers. He knows the rules of this new game better than I do. William will be able to undo all those changes in my life inside the prison, but it will take him a few days, days that I have to survive in the new block.

I don’t know shit about their game, but what I do know is that no matter how menacing their words may sound to me, I’m still not a rat.

I narrow my eyes in anticipation because I’m starting to suspect that they have been leaving for the last their ultimate card to force me to sign their deal. Mia.

At the sound of my sister’s name out of their fucking mouths I can’t help myself and I jump to my feet, tensing every single muscle in my body, fighting harder than ever before in all my life against the impulse to kill these two fuckers with my bare hands here and now.

William tenses, gasping as he punches the table, threatening them. The old lawyer has such a mouth there and he’s not backing up an inch.

FBI or not they are going too far. FBI or not, they are playing with my sister’s life and William doesn’t like at all what they are suggesting.

He stands and goes to one phone that is hanging from the wall, saying that the meeting is over and that I can go back to my cell. Almost immediately the door opens and the guard is standing at the other side, waiting for me.

William walks to my side, shaking my hand and our gazes meet. His eyes are sparkling with excitement, like a little kid on Christmas day. What the fuck?

I know this old fucker a little more than he thinks, but I’m almost sure that he’s hiding a card in his sleeve and not only from me but from them also.

William is the kind of man that loves to play dumbass, but he’s everything but dumb. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve seen him in action at his best.

This old lawyer who still files all his legal documents in filing cabinets, who is addicted to soap operas and who is in love with Ava Gardner is up to something. I can’t help but wonder what game he’s playing, because sure as hell it’s not the FBI’s,  and for a second, I’m not even sure if I want to know what it is anymore.

———–

One hour is not enough. It’s never enough. It’s seems like one second. I can’t believe how fast the time is passing when I’m talking with Mia. It was exactly the same with Hanna.

In our first meeting, I remember we were talking about everything and nothing while she was showing me some of the pictures she took that first night at the races, and before I realized it we had spent two hours in her studio together alone. I guess time passes faster when I’m happy.

Mia enters the visiting room and hugs me, kissing my cheek, whispering that she loves me and that she misses me. She lingers as much as she is allowed until a guard calls her to attention, scolding her for her improper behavior. She knows the rules as well as myself, but she just doesn’t care and neither I do. It’s always the same routine and it’s always well worth it.

We talk about everything and nothing. I feel so good just listening her voice. She never shows me her sadness but her gaze can’t lie to me. I can see it reflected in her big dark brown eyes. The area around the pupil is always slightly red, I know she has been crying, but she won’t acknowledge it and I don’t even bother to say it aloud. I know in advance she’s going to deny the fact.

She never let heavy silence in our conversations, she keeps finding matters so we can talk. She always comes up with a joke so we can laugh together.

It’s curious, but Mia never asks me if I’m ok. She knows I’m not ok, so we talk about her job, her studios and about my drawings.

I told her at the beginning that I don’t want to talk about my life as an inmate so she doesn’t ask. I want to keep her as much as possible away from this living hell. I don’t want my kid sister being touched by this dirty shit that is surrounding me. It’s enough that she has to be searched each time she comes to see me. She says it’s ok, that the woman who frisks her is really nice and gentle.

I knit a brow as a slight grin tugs my lips and Mia rolls her eyes, shaking her head, when I ask her  if there is something she needs to tell me that I don’t know about her sexual life. She punched my shoulder playfully and  I find myself laughing quietly.

We never talk about the team or about the way our lives were one year before. I know that at the beginning of my incarceration Mia was going regularly to the cemetery to visit the graves of our dear loved ones, our friend’s graves, our family’s graves; mom’s, dad’s, Jesse’s and Vince’s, but not anymore.

I used to take Mia with me and we both used to go to visit our parents on the anniversary of their deaths. We used to clean the area around the tombs and we always put fresh flowers there. It was painful, but they were our parents. For just a few hours, we could all be together again. The four of us, like a real family.

This anniversary, Mia went alone to visit our parents. I couldn’t, I’m locked inside these walls. She says she could feel their presence around her as strong as ever. Mia says she could hear mom’s voice inside of her heart, giving her advice and showing her the right path to follow, just like in her dreams. And that dad was mumbling something about his precious car being totaled and that as soon as I’m out of here, I better start rebuilding it or he will kick my ass.

I can’t help it, but a huge grin graces my lips hearing Mia saying those silly things to me. I already know that my dad can’t come back from the other side to kick my ass, can he?

Mia says that they still love me as much as they loved me before, and that, at the beginning of my incarceration they were slightly disappointed with my behavior, but now everything is cool with them.

Jesse and Vince were our family too, but that’s different. Mia says that we have to let them go for good, that we have to pass that page, moving on, that we have to look ahead of us into our future and not to our past.

They belong to our past and we must keep a place for them in our hearts, but that’s all. Mia says that there’s no need to be grieving upon their deaths.  And I know it’s not because it hurts her as much as it hurts to me, or because we don’t love them anymore. It’s because we need to focus all our energy and thoughts on my release date, so we can start all over again, learning from our mistakes.

What was done was done, so there’s no point in going on again and again over one thing we can’t change anymore. They are dead and we are alive, and for that undeniable fact we have to give grace.

Mia says I’m carrying a lot of dead weight on my shoulders and that fact is not helping me to concentrate on my future. Mia says that my real goal has to be to survive this place, so we can be together like a family again when I’m released.

I know Mia is right and I know I need to let them go, but it’s not an easy task.

All of sudden, Mia gets to her feet and walks directly to one of the guards. She’s walking slowly, swinging her hips slightly with a big smile gracing her lips. Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes, but the guard doesn’t seem to care, he’s just too absorbed staring at her hips.

I narrow my eyes as my jaw clench. I’m gritting my teeth when I see how the fucking guard is giving Mia the once over and my hands close in fists. I know why she is doing it and even though I don’t like a bit, I have no other choice but recognize myself that it’s a way as good as any other to get what we want. Move our meeting outside, to the part of the prison designed for the inmates’ little kids.

It’s the only part of the prison that had trees and grass. There are several tables with benches at both sides all made of wood, and at one of the corners there is a playground with four swings and two slides. All the area is surrounded by a wire mesh fence with barbed wire at the top.

From this part there is no way to see the rest of the prison, only the desert and far away one of the military bases. The four guards who are watching the inmates had no guns with them just electric truncheons.

We get what we wanted and we both walk outside together. Mia sat on one of the benches and I take a seat on the table at her side. Mia leaned her head slightly and rested it against my knee, sighing softly, and I lifted a hand, stroking her hair. This is as hard for her as it is for me and for a second I started to suspect that she was going to cry, but no, she giggled when one of the little girls who was playing with a ball tried to kick it and missed, falling on her bottom.

Mia turned her head and still giggling she talked about when I taught her to ride her pink bicycle without the training wheels. I grinned like a loony, remembering how she spent more time on the floor than she did riding. Mia ended up with bruises and scratches all over her knees and elbows, but she was all ready to make a new try the next day. She was always a tough girl and she is even tougher now.

I heard Pette scolding one of his twins because he lifted the dress of another little girl and Mia laughed softly, saying that I was just like that little boy when I was his age. I growled deeply, pretending that I’m hurt as I retorted that I was much cuter than Pette’s kid.

Mia laughed harder and replied that I’m still cute, adding a joke about how the colour of the uniform prison enhances my eyes. I can’t help but laugh with her. I love the fact that after all the things that have happened and in spite of my condition, we can both make jokes like this one.

Pette was sitting with his wife, Martha, who’s pregnant and they talked quietly while they kept an eye on their eight year old twins. They’re just two kids, but it seemed as if they were four. Pette’s twins ran all over the playground, laughing and playing tag.

I find myself grinning like a loony looking at those kids playing. I always loved kids and I always wanted a family. I shook my head slightly as I blink furiously. I know where my mind wants to go and I’m not letting it get with it. Kids, family… Hanna.

Pette gets to his feet and rubs his wife’s rounded belly, kissing her forehead softly and goes to play with his kids, and I found myself tearing my eyes from them, looking around me while Mia gets to her feet and goes to give back the ball to the little girl.

Mia is gifted with a natural grace to deal with all kind of people. Since she was a snotty little girl, she always had that effect on every single person she met. Mia has a motherly instinct, she reminds me a lot of our mom. Not only physically, but also in her acts and even in her sense of humor.

My mom was always singing and humming while doing things, especially when she was it the kitchen, cooking. Mia is an amazing cook and she loves to be surrounded by pans, saucepans and casseroles.

I grin unconsciously when I remember a line I heard once my mom saying to a friend she was teaching how to cook. She said something like ‘the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’.

Definitively, Hanna didn’t seduce me using that skill because she didn’t know shit about cooking.

I miss Mia’s cooking. The food here is  fucking shit and when I tell her, she frowns a little and replies that she’s going to find a way to bring some of her special meals for me. We lock eyes, smiling sadly for a second because we are thinking right now about the same thing. Our meals with the team, making Jesse bless the table because he was always the first one to grab something before the rest had sat.

I still bless the table, but silently before I dig into whatever crap they are feeding us. Most of the time, I’m praying to God to not fall ill from the shit I’m eating.

Mia looks away, sighing softly and I see how she looks at Leah’s, both of them smiling at the same time.

Leah is Harrison’s wife. They met here and from time to time they take a cup of coffee together. Leah was the one who showed Mia a few things that are not written in any manual for visitors. She knows a lot about it, she’s has been coming to Lompoc for more than twenty years now.

Harrison and Leah are sitting holding hands and the prison guards just play dumb when they see them. I figure that more than one prison guard has a daughter too.  It’s bad enough the hell they are going  through. The painful loss of their daughter and the following incarceration of Harrison are only joining them even more.

They sit in silence, just staring at each other eyes. They never talk, at least not with words. But I bet they are having their own conversation. Like I said. Sometimes words aren’t necessary.

I feel my heart skipping a beat as I try to figure out how I would feel if I knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life locked in here. Knowing that no matter what I do, I’m going to die here, and probably not because another inmate is going to kill me, but because there’s no parole for me.

Mia notices and takes my hand in hers, squeezing gently, just for a couple of seconds, just to remind me that there’s hope for me. That I don’t have to forget that I would be able to apply for my parole in one more year.

I’m not going to tell Mia about my meeting with the FBI. I don’t want to shatter her hopes too. No point in doing that now, I’ll deal with it when the time comes. I know I’m going to need Mia’s hope to survive this place for another three years because I’m not getting my parole after what I did this morning, that’s for sure.

I shut my eyes tightly. Three more years. How the fuck am I  going to survive three  more years locked inside these walls. If it was hard to think about just one, I just simply don’t want to figure out how it will be with three.

Mia turns her head to me, looking directly at my eyes and says something about my eyes sparkling with a gleam that wasn’t there last Saturday. I wasn’t going to tell her but before I can stop myself, I chuckle sadly and tell her about the published picture of my car and my suspicions that Hanna is the one behind it.

Mia’s brow arches slightly as she smiles warmly, stroking my arm. My sister knows as a matter of fact that from the first time she looked at us together, I had finally found my perfect match and how much I was in love with Hanna. Actually, Mia was the only one who welcomed her to our lives. The rest of the team never liked her too much, but they put up with Hanna because it was my way or the highway. I never made exceptions and I wasn’t going to start, much less concerning my woman.

Letty, she just simply hated Hanna with all her heart and soul, specially after Hanna put her in her place when Letty called her a bitch. That was the first time and also the last time. Of course, Letty continued referring to Hanna like the ‘dull bitch’ but never again to my face or to Hanna’s.

Mia never brings Hanna up in our conversations, but I guess since I’m the one who is talking about her, Mia takes the hint and says almost in a murmur that she did believe Hanna was really in love with me.

I narrow my eyes, hearing what Mia is saying about Hanna. I can’t blame her, I think Mia misses Hanna a little because they connected since the very first time.

Letty was like her sister to Mia, but Hanna was that ‘best friend’ Mia never had. They spend quite a bit of time together, talking about things Mia couldn’t talk with Letty about because Letty wasn’t interested at all. Mia just frowns, adding that it’s her opinion anyway and that it’s not like I’m not still in love with her.

A heavy sigh escapes my lips. I can’t hide my feeling from my sister, I guess she knows me too damn well.

The siren of the prison sounds, signaling that the hour visit is over and that all the visitors must leave the facilities. Mia throws herself at me, hugging me tightly, kissing my cheek, whispering that she loves me and promising to me that she will write a new short story for me so I can receive it before the next visiting day comes.

She loves to hear my objective opinion about her short stories. Yeah, I love them. That’s my opinion and she already knows in advance, but she’s kidding with me and I also love that fact.

———-

It has been a long fucking day. I’m laying on my mattress with my gaze fixed on the ceiling of the cell and Lester is writing a letter to his girlfriend. We are back from dinner time and we are just waiting for the lights to go out and the cells to be locked.

I ate almost nothing, just a piece of fruit and some milk, I wasn’t in the mood. I’m still thinking about William and the FBI’s deal. William’s eyes sparkling with that weird excitement popped in my mind and I wonder for the second time today what that old fox is plotting and if he’s really doing that or it’s just me seeing ghosts where there’s nothing.

I lift my arms and cross them behind my head as I make myself a little more comfortable. My lips let out a heavy sigh as my eyes close of their own will.

Flash back

After a few more meetings, talking about the pictures, Hanna had set an appointment to finally take pictures of my car. She had explained to me that she was a freelancer and she was searching for cars all over the state.

At that point I already knew her surname so I had made Jesse check everything available about Hanna on the Internet.

Miss Hanna Miles had excellent marks at high school and at the university. She had studied Art, History and Psychology. No criminal record found, just a couple of parking fines. I had phoned the magazine and they had confirmed Hanna was a freelancer who worked for them from time to time, adding that she was a great photographer.

Letty wanted to come with me. I had said no way and she had been yelling at the top of her lungs, asking me if I was so desperate and unhappy with her that I needed someone like Hanna when it was clear that that dull bitch wasn’t any competition for her. I had clenched my teeth, my hands closed into fists and I had retorted that she had better watch her mouth while talking about someone she didn’t know shit about and with that I had stormed out of the house, climbing into my car and had headed toward Hanna’s studio.

When I arrived, she had everything ready. There was a big truck parked in front of the building and I drove my car inside of it. Then Hanna and I got into her car and we drove into the desert. She had found the perfect place to use as a background and she had started to take pictures.

She was wearing green cargo pants, matching t-shirt and white tennis shoes. Her hair was in a pony tail and she didn’t put make up. Hanna was everything but stunning. She’s average size. Not fat, not slim, just a common woman. But I bet that down under those too big clothes she was wearing she has a nice body. At least that’s what I thought.

We had spent almost the whole day on that task and when we got back it was getting dark. The time had flied literally while we had been together. I had asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me and she had replied that she was really tired and that maybe some another time.

I had frowned deeply not because it was the first time that a girl had turned me down, but because surprisingly, I found myself wanting to spend more time with Hanna alone to know her better. So, I had pressed her, using all my charm, and it had worked.

Finally she had given up and we had met a couple of hours later at an Italian restaurant I always had wanted to go to but never had found the occasion.

That dinner was the first one of several more and I had started to feel more than just comfortable around Hanna. The more time we had spent together, the more I had felt attracted to her.

She was funny and a spitfire, but at the same time she was mature and centered. Hanna was like a magnet and her eyes were much more than just beautiful. I just simply couldn’t stop looking at them. I was bewitched and enthralled by those green eyes with grayish sparks flashing around the pupils and I realized a bizarre feeling: I was falling in love with Hanna without being aware of it and we hadn’t even had sex yet.

That last night I asked Hanna to come to the races but she said she didn’t like car races, but if I felt like it, she could cook my favorite dish but only if I won to celebrate my victory.

I grinned like a loony as I asked how she was so sure that I wasn’t going to lie to her. Maybe I was going to tell her that I had won so she would cook my favorite meal for me. How was she going to be sure that I was telling the truth if she wasn’t there with me? In response, Hanna laughed softly and replied that she only had to take a look at my eyes and she would be able to know if I was lying to her. And it was true.

Just like any other Friday night, I raced twice against a couple of new guys and locals, and I won both races, but I almost lost one of them because I was distracted thinking about Hanna.

Mia took the money and when Letty came to kiss the shit out of me, I moved one step back and thought about what had happened. I almost lost one race because I was thinking about Hanna and just like that, it all felt in place, and I turned around, heading to my car.

But, instead of leaving the place with beautiful female company at my side, driving to some girl’s place like a winner, I left the place alone and drove directly to my woman’s place like a winner, like a man in love.

When I arrived, she had everything ready, and just as I suspected Hanna hadn’t cooked for me, but hey, she had ordered pizza!

We talked about everything except cars, street racers or any other matter related directly with me and my kind of life while devouring the biggest pizza I’ve ever seen in all my damn life. Girls always were trying their best to flatter me with their knowledge about cars and shit, thinking that I would be impressed.

And it was funny because just then and there I realized that Hanna and I never talked about the things I talked about with other girls or with my team or with Letty or even with Mia. Hanna never pretended to impress me, in fact I was starting to think that she wasn’t interested in me at all,  and even though I was pretty good reading signs, with Hanna all seemed unexpected and out of the ordinary, including the most common things like eating pizza sitting on the floor while listening to heavy metal music.

———–

I opened my eyes slowly, and blinked away the sleep. It wasn’t the first time that I was waking up in some girls’ bed who wasn’t Letty, and for a second I didn’t know where I was or with who. That’s until I lifted my head and saw Hanna, sleeping peacefully, fully dressed against me.

I tightened my embrace around her body as I lifted one hand, stroking her hair, smiling. I didn’t know why but the fact that Hanna was sleeping so peacefully in my arms on her bed was making me feel like the most lucky guy in the world. The fact that she trusted me that much was a strange feeling, not because I didn’t love it, but because after what she had gone through it wasn’t a joke.

All of sudden, Hanna sighed softly in her sleep as she pressed a little more against my body, making herself comfortable and pulling me out of my thoughts.

Hanna was fully dressed with a cotton sleeveless dress and I bet she was wearing white cotton panties. No silky thongs or some sexy shit. Just simple white cotton panties.

I clenched my jaw tightly as a deep growl escaped my lips when I remembered how we ended up in here and what we talked while embraced in each other arms, laying on the cover of the bed.

Hanna whispering, her voice more hoarse than usual after crying, reliving how her father had abused her since she was twelve years old. Her cheek pressed against my chest, my hands stroking her back and her hair while she talked about the fear, the pain, the shame, the guilt.

Hanna didn’t want to look at my eyes while she poured her heart and her soul out to me. She was too ashamed of herself, too scared about my reaction as soon as I knew about it. Hanna wasn’t sure if I was going to vanish as soon as I realized that I wasn’t going to have sex with her, at least not anytime soon.

She suspected men like me weren’t the kind to waste their time with unstable women full of conflicted feelings and internal turmoil. Tortured women with a past stained with dirty actions and an uncertain emotional future; women like herself.

Like hell I was going to let her alone, turning my back to her just because I couldn’t fuck her right away. Like hell I was going to let her out of my life just when I had found her because she wasn’t ready to give herself to me. Like hell I was going to give up when I knew I had found my woman. Like hell I was going to refuse Hanna just because she was sure she wasn’t good enough for me.

Hanna stirred in her sleep and her body tensed immediately. I didn’t know how but I knew it was because she wasn’t used to waking up with someone else in her bed.

“Dominic?” I heard her whispering, her voice even more hoarse than usual.

“Right here, baby.” I answered as I continued stroking her hair. Hanna sighed hard, letting out the air she had been holding and lifted her head to look at me. She blinked a couple of times, focusing her gaze and smiled slightly.

“Thank you.” She whispered sleepily as she snuggled closer to me, holding my intense gaze and I felt my heart skipping a beat, staring at those green eyes, the  grayish sparks around the pupils and now slightly red after she had cried for hours.

“My pleasure.” I replied, grinning. In response, she chuckled sadly and rose slightly, her eyes flickering to mine.

“Dominic,” she whispered softly. “Help me.” I tensed as my heart started to race inside of my chest. Her eyes were saying what she didn’t dare with words.

Hanna was pleading me to help her get over her painful memories, to replace those past fears with confidence and self esteem, to show her what was the real meaning of the word ‘sex’, to make love to her and never fuck her.

“Hanna.” I said and without thinking, I bent my head, kissing her lips, just a soft brush.

Hanna tensed every muscle in her body as she gripped my shirt in her fists. She was shaking slightly when I deepen the kiss and a moan escaped her trembling lips.

End Flash back

“Toretto, visitors room, move.” A guard orders me.

I blink furiously, staring at the guard as if he has sprouted a second head and Lester looks at me completely puzzled, his brows arched.  My heart starts to beat faster as I swallow hard. My mind full of thoughts that are popping at once inside of my brain at the words the guard said.

There’s no way she is here.

“Ain’t got the whole fucking night, Toretto, so keep your ass moving.”

I climb out of the bed, looking at Lester and he grins a little as I put my sport shoes. The guard cuffs my wrists and moves back so I can walk ahead of him. As we walk, he informs me that the room where my visitor is waiting for me it’s not like the others. He even makes a joke adding that it’s like the rooms designed for conjugal visits, only difference is there’s no bed.

I’m not allowed to have access to those rooms like Pette because I’m not married. Lester has a girlfriend but he’s not allowed either, and Harrison…well, he’s allowed, but I don’t think he’s all that  interested anymore in sex.

Those ones are just for married inmates and they had to go through a hell of a lot of legal paperwork and specific authorizations, using the approved channels that the Bureau provides to have one hour of sex once a month with their wives. The rest of us have to play five against one if we want that kind of fun.

The guard reminds me that the rules are exactly the same as in the general visiting room. I already know the deal about the bounds of fucking good taste and all that shit,  but the fucker insists and he’s quoting them to me.

I’m not even paying attention to him because I’m more interested about another fact. I’m walking through a part of the prison I’ve never been in before. This is a restricted area, reserved mostly to the administrative staff and inmates are not even  allowed nearby.

Finally we reach the door and the guard inserts a code in a small panel, the door clicks open and he moves back a step.

“Go ahead, big boy.” He mocks.

In response, I glance at him from the corner of my eye as I enter and he follows me inside, closing the door at his back, and stands there.

I lifted my head and my heart stops dead inside my chest just to start racing two seconds later. There she is. Hanna.